All the ridiculous things that happen on the plane
Yesterday I flew home from Italy. And maybe it had to do with the fact that it was January 1st and I had a tight five hours of sleep behind me, but suddenly I found it all a bizarre spectacle. The why-question was really everywhere.
1. The waiting in the gangway
You would think that there is communication between the cabin crew and the boarding brigade, but why does it happen every time that I am allowed through by the boarding committee (you know, the last gate), only to then have to wait at a random spot in the jet bridge? I have a daughter with a disability so I always get to board the plane first (every disadvantage...) and then I stand at a random point in the jet bridge where we have to wait. No one knows why, but we Must Stay Standing. Next to me is someone who was notably unsteady on their feet. You don't need to have studied pedagogy to understand that it is quite difficult to get a child with limited intelligence, autism, and a strong urge to act in such a situation to behave. But okay, I managed. I'm now giving myself a good pat on the back.
2. Why do those pursers always talk so fast through the microphone
Of course, I understand that you have played that spiel of ‘fasten your seat belts‘ and ‘please be careful when you open the overhead cabins’ blah blah 733 times already, but you could also make a party out of it. If you're going to do it anyway, it might be nice if people can understand you and, who knows, even listen to you. But no, it always goes at full speed ahead. Just like the pilot's talk by the way. While his story (about the weather, the route, the expected arrival time) does interest me. Very rarely there is the rule-confirming exception (like on the outbound flight, the purser with a Rotterdam accent on the Transavia flight to Bari on December 27, you are gold), but further...
3. Why does it take so long for the food to come by?
But really LONG. I'm getting bored to death. Bring distraction. And food. What happens behind that little curtain before that trolley starts moving?
4. Does anyone really still buy duty-free products on the plane?
Flying used to be something special anyway, but especially the duty-free shopping at high altitude. Cosmetic houses also went all out with special collections (I could stare for hours at the Dior miniatures my father brought back for my mother from his flights), but nowadays – please retract your long toes now – it's not really the best brands that are offered there anymore. I hardly ever see anyone turn their head when the trolley with duty-free products comes rolling by.
5. Why do you have to turn off wifi?
I already have trouble connecting with the outside world on the beach of Wijk aan Zee. Does anyone really think I can manage to have a working internet connection in the air? That's my first question. Then my second: is there anyone who thinks that my shaky wifi would disrupt the aircraft's equipment? I don't think so, right? Because for money you can buy a wifi bundle on some flights again. And if it really were that dangerous, they should be stricter about checking it.
6. What would happen if the no smoking signs disappeared?
The smoking ban on airplanes has been in effect since 1998; I think the message is pretty clear by now, right?
Well, those are the things I wonder about while I try to clean up my 22,388 photos a bit.
Happy new year dear readers, did you know we are almost two million strong?
