Love & Sex

The 10 questions you need to answer before going back to your ex

By Wieke Veenboer | #!31Sun, 16 Jul 2023 06:30:45 +0200+02:004531#31Sun, 16 Jul 2023 06:30:45 +0200+02:00-6Europe/Amsterdam3131Europe/Amsterdam202331 16am31am-31Sun, 16 Jul 2023 06:30:45 +0200+02:006Europe/Amsterdam3131Europe/Amsterdam2023312023Sun, 16 Jul 2023 06:30:45 +0200306307amSunday=9#!31Sun, 16 Jul 2023 06:30:45 +0200+02:00Europe/Amsterdam7#07-16-2023#!31Sun, 16 Jul 2023 06:30:45 +0200+02:004531#/31Sun, 16 Jul 2023 06:30:45 +0200+02:00-6Europe/Amsterdam3131Europe/Amsterdam202331#!31Sun, 16 Jul 2023 06:30:45 +0200+02:00Europe/Amsterdam7#

Going back to your ex, always a bad idea? According to psychologists, it doesn't always have to be that way, but it must be a decision that you think about carefully. In fact, according to them, there are ten questions that you and your ex-maybe-almost-not-ex should ask yourselves and that you should discuss openly.

Some questions may seem very obvious, but that is often not the case when you have to answer them openly and honestly together. Often, there are actually many more unresolved feelings than you would expect.

Are you and your ex thinking about getting back together? Then first answer these ten questions together.

1. How and why did the relationship end?
Painful to bring up again, but very important; this is likely to lead to new insights that will help you answer the following questions better.

2. Which partner wanted to end it first and why?
And also: which feelings predominated at first? Anger, sadness, did you feel betrayed? You will need to talk openly about this: about the how, what, and why.

3. How long did the relationship last?
If a relationship was short but very intense, it is often the case that someone is very confused and still deeply in love. This is not a good position to make the decision to get back together.

4. What was the unexpected extra damage/sorrow that the break-up brought?
If there is still a lot of pain and sorrow, a second chance will not work; you both need to have processed it and not still be in that process.

5. What was the effect of the break-up on both partners, in the short and long term?

6. Were there any signs of the break-up?
This is quite self-evident, although the other may not always be aware of it; sometimes one person is blindsided by the break-up.

7. When the relationship ended, was there still love and a certain connection?
According to psychologists, it is very important that there was still love from both sides, so that one does not regret it later, while feeling no love during the break-up.

8. What anger, jealousy, disappointment, bitterness, or other negative feelings are still present?
If there is still something that has not been expressed, then it will not work now either.

9. How have the individuals changed since the break-up?
According to psychologists, a relationship is doomed to fail again if there is no accountability for past mistakes and if lessons are not learned from them. You will need to face this together.

10. Can things change if you get back together?
This question is of course the most important, but also the most difficult. You will really have to be very honest about this, including about yourself, because there is a chance that you will also have to change things if you want it to succeed this time.

Source: PsychologyToday