People say: ‘This is the dumbest thing I did when I was excited’

Since I’ve been on Reddit, I’m familiar with the phenomenon of ‘post-nut clarity’. That’s a ‘theory’ that suggests you should always have an orgasm before making any (big) decisions. The reason: when you’re aroused, you really can’t think clearly, and that can turn out to be quite inconvenient if you let that arousal influence your decisions. This is proven again, as the answers to the question posed on Reddit are hilarious yet serious. The question was ‘What is the dumbest thing you did because you were horny?’ and well… These things are definitely dumb.

1. ‘I dyed my hair black. My roommate was doing this and the girl who was helping him was so bizarrely attractive. She came into the living room and said to me: ‘We have some paint left over, I think you would really look good with black hair.’

I looked at her and said: ‘That sounds like a BRILLIANT idea.’

Three days later, I found out that I’m allergic to hair dye because my head became three times larger than normal. I had to be on medication for a month to get it back to normal size. Fun times. And no, nothing ever happened between us.’

2. ‘I paid two dollars for a massage app on my Xbox that was supposed to make the controller vibrate. It didn’t really bring me to any highs and I forgot to ask for my money back, so now I have that ridiculous massage app in my library.’

3. ‘Finding out that my dick is too big to fit in a medicine bottle.’

4. ‘I once tried to choke myself with a towel. I woke up in a hospital with my mother next to me.’

5. ‘I once paid for a porn subscription without realizing I had to pay. A year and a half later, I saw it: €1135 for one orgasm.’

6. ‘I paid bail for a girl so she could get out of jail. 200 dollars. Then she got so drunk that she peed on my couch and started hitting on my mom.’

7. ‘I tried to give myself a blowjob when I was twelve and almost broke my back.’

8. ‘I paid three dollars on Snapchat for nude photos. I never got them and was immediately blocked after I paid. And the worst part is that I did this FOUR times. Being horny at sixteen really lowers your IQ by 70 percent.’