Is your relationship in a rut? Here's how to fall in love with your partner again
My grandfather always said: ‘People give up way too quickly when it comes to their relationship.’ As far as I'm concerned, he was right, because how many couples do you know who threw in the towel because the spark was gone? Exactly, I can name five right away. No judgment here, because the disappearance of the proverbial spark can of course come from countless things. It is also one of the most common problems that couples bring to a relationship therapist. They feel that their relationship has changed, that something is missing, or that they no longer feel connected to each other. Very unfortunate, but, contrary to popular belief, not irreversible. According to relationship scientists, there are two ways to rekindle the spark between you.
Take some time apart from each other
This may sound contradictory, but taking time apart from your partner can be an effective way to breathe new life into your romance. Research shows that regular vacations from work can have lasting benefits for your mental health, and a ‘relationship vacation’ can also help you return to your relationship full of new energy. Just be careful: you are not taking a break from your commitment to each other, no, you are simply taking some physical distance.
There are two ways to approach this:
1. Plan a trip with friends
You probably know your friends a lot longer than you know your partner, but you spend a lot less time together since you got into a relationship. It's helpful to do something about this. A study among newlyweds showed that partners who had a strong network of social contacts outside their marriage were better able to cope with marital problems. Take advantage of this and plan a trip with your friends. This is good for your friendships and gives you the chance to miss each other. Moreover, sometimes taking literal distance from the situation is the best thing you can do (according to my psychologist, who only cheered that I booked an Eat, Pray, Love ticket to Rome in a fit of insanity after a break-up).
2. Take a solo trip
I. Am. Such. A. Fan. Of. Solo traveling! And I am a big advocate of continuing to do this, even when you are in a relationship. According to research, solo traveling can be a powerful way to bring about positive change in terms of happiness, empowerment, growth, and self-development. Solo traveling can give you the time and space you need to calm down and reconsider your choices. The perspective you gain by spending time alone in a new environment can help you rediscover the original attraction you shared with your partner.
3. Be spontaneous
Long-term relationships quickly run the risk of going into autopilot mode. That's not a bad thing, unless you feel that you are no longer happy with it. Spice up your relationship by embracing spontaneity. You don't have to drive straight to Schiphol to catch the first available flight (my anxiety could never), but a surprise lunch on a busy day or a spontaneous long weekend away is enough to rekindle the spark. Taking time for each other in a way you normally wouldn't think of shows that you care for each other and that you are willing to put in some extra work in the relationship.
Source: Psychology Today
