Fear of commitment is out: this is how you get rid of it for good
If I got a euro for every time I heard ‘you're really great, but...’ from a date, I would never have to work again. Okay, that might be an exaggeration, but in my single years, I did have a part-time job as a magnet for men with extreme commitment issues. You know the type, those who typically leave just when things start to get cozy. Maybe because they're just not ready yet, still think too much about their ex, or simply don't want to commit yet. That's their right, of course, but as far as I'm concerned, commitment issues are so 2022 and completely out. Are you curious about how to finally deal with this outdated trend? I'll tell you.
1. Look for the why
The first and most important step is to become curious about why you are afraid to commit. Ask yourself the question: what am I afraid of? This requires looking inward and analyzing your own inner dialogue around relationships and commitment. There can be various answers to this. Some people are afraid of losing themselves, while others fear losing their freedom or getting hurt.
2. Don't pressure someone else to commit
As a professional single, I at one point made it a sport to leave before the next commitment-phobe could exit the premises. I've never begged anyone to stay, and I never will. Experts say that giving an ultimatum can even backfire and make commitment issues worse. Instead, create space where your partner can talk about their fears. By the way, this is only advice for couples who want to work on this issue. If your partner shows no interest in addressing their commitment issues? Then it's a case of packing up and leaving.
3. Turn off your ‘the grass is greener on the other side’ mentality
A common thought process among people with commitment phobia is the idea that the grass is greener on the other side and that there might be someone out there who is better or more fun. This way of thinking often prevents people from appreciating the good they already have. Of course, someone else is much more interesting if you've never had to clean up their dirty underwear, but with this mindset, every relationship will become boring in no time. Ultimately, the grass is greener where you water it enough, and love is a verb (are you tired of clichés yet?).
4. Plan check-ins
Commitment issues are not something that can be solved overnight. A good way to deal with this over time is to schedule monthly check-ins with your partner. During these check-ins, the intention is for you to share your feelings about your relationship and other aspects of your lives. Taking special time for these conversations can give you both more time to sort out your thoughts in a less emotionally charged way. Consider these check-ins as a series of conversations rather than a definitive talk. So if you're talking about moving in together or getting married, use this check-in time to learn more about where you both stand instead of expecting a definitive answer right away. This takes the necessary pressure off.
5. Consider therapy
Personally, I believe everyone should have been in therapy at least once in their life. You genuinely enjoy a lifetime of everything you learn about yourself. I often catch myself quoting my psychologist, even though I haven't seen her in a year and a half. If there are commitment issues in your relationship, you don't have to jump straight into couples therapy. Individual therapy is also an incredibly powerful tool to work on yourself and indirectly on your relationship. If you do choose couples therapy, don't see it as a failure, but as a sign that you and your partner are determined to work on your relationship.
Source: HelloGiggles
