Real life: Esther has ARFID and is afraid to eat almost anything
As a baby, Esther was, to put it mildly, already a difficult eater. She only ate beige food. In short: mainly bread and pasta. The latter without sauce, but with Parmesan cheese. At a young age, she was diagnosed with ARFID. Esther: ‘Living with ARFID is really a handicap that very few people understand.’
ARFID
Esther: ‘Bulimia and anorexia are very well-known eating disorders, but very few people are familiar with ARFID. And unfortunately: the unknown makes unloved. I am quickly dismissed as a whiner. A drama queen, and while ARFID is really a serious condition. It stands for ‘Avoidant\/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder’. I really ‘have to’ avoid certain foods. I find fruit terrifying and there are very few products that I dare to eat. Trying new products, which are everyday for many people, like blueberries, can take me half an hour. I get shivers all over my body and tears in my eyes. I have had therapy for ARFID and that has helped. For example, I no longer only eat beige.’
TWENTY MINUTES WITH TUNA ON MY FORK
Trying new things that she doesn’t know how they taste or if she doesn’t know the texture, she just doesn’t dare. Over the years, she has started to try more and more. She tries to overcome her fear, but it is ‘hell’. My boyfriend recently wanted me to try sushi with tuna. I find that so scary that I just sit with that tuna on my fork for twenty minutes. I then pick off a loose piece of tuna from the sushi so that I know I can chew it quickly. After twenty minutes, the smell of tuna is no longer pleasant, so it was a very unpleasant experience.’
AFRAID OF GAGGING
‘When I was young, my mother once offered me large sums of money out of pure desperation to just try something. A piece of kiwi, a half strawberry. 25 guilders, if I would just take a small bite. But I didn’t dare, not even for money. If you don’t eat fruit, because I still don’t, everyone immediately thinks you don’t like anything. That’s not true. I eat cheese sandwiches, always with young cheese. Parmesan cheese and young cheese are the only cheeses I dare to eat. And of course, my surroundings keep encouraging me to discover other cheeses as well. Recently, I was having lunch somewhere with a friend. She encouraged me to try a piece of brie. In public: terrible! I am very afraid that I will gag. Or worse: that I will vomit.’
‘YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE MISSING’
‘Before my therapy, trying something new was not an option. In that sense, ARFID therapy has really helped me, because I really do my best to be open to new things. People often say ‘You don’t know what you’re missing”. In the past, I thought, what does it matter, I’m not interested in what I’m missing, why would I try it? But now I see it differently. Partly because of my boyfriend who really loves good food. He helps me face my fear. This is also called exposure therapy. When he wants to take me out to eat, he often jokes: ‘Shall we do an evening of exposure therapy?’’
RASPBERRIES: TOO EXCITING
‘During my pregnancy, I noticed that my body really craved fruit. Then it immediately turns into an obsession. I ate so much pineapple that I got blood lips from the acidity. And right after giving birth, fourteen years ago, I found pineapple scary again and have never eaten it since. I tasted raspberries for the first time two years ago. They are in season now, so I bought them for the first time this weekend. But eating them… I still haven’t dared. This morning I found it too exciting again.’
NOT A DRAMA QUEEN
‘People are not quick to be understanding of difficult eaters. Also because ARFID is a fear that is not rational. Esther has never vomited or gagged. Yet that persistent fear remains. ‘In my bathroom, I have a tile hanging. It says: ‘A person often suffers most from the suffering he fears.’ Unfortunately, that applies to me completely. I am afraid that I will get sick from new things, even though this has never happened.’
‘People find me strange, often take it personally if I don’t like something they made. They think I’m ungrateful. But that’s not true. It’s all in my head. I am often dismissed as ‘that whiner’, I avoid dinners like the plague, office lunches are hell, and in the past, relationships have broken down because of my ARFID. It’s of course not fun if your date hardly dares to eat anything. ‘Is that showstopper coming too?’ someone asked my boyfriend recently. It wasn’t meant for me to hear, but my ears happen to work very well. That is very hurtful.’
Esther's name has been fictionalized for privacy reasons. Her real name is known to the editorial team. Do you also want to share a personal story (anonymously!)? Then you can email us at info@favorflav.com.
