Signs that you are hyper-independent
A ‘criticism’ that I often receive regarding my love life: I am far too independent, so there is no room for a man and especially: I do not make it. I never really saw it as a criticism, but almost as a compliment — it's only good, right, that I manage perfectly fine on my own? Yet hyper-independence is not necessarily something to be happy about. In fact, psychologists warn that it can also be quite toxic for yourself.
The causes of hyper-independence can vary greatly. For some people, it is a reaction to a specific (childhood) trauma; people then have an extreme urge to protect themselves. ‘It is essential to emphasize that hyper-independence can arise from trauma or modeled behavior where the person learns that self-reliance is the only way to cope or survive,’ says psychologist Katrina Leggins.
Fortunately, there is something that can be done about hyper-independence, according to Leggins: ‘If you believe that accepting support is an act of courage, strength, and growth (instead of a sign of weakness), the chances are much greater that your brain will accept this idea.’ So it starts with small steps, gradually changing your standard way of thinking.
Curious if you might be hyper-independent? According to Leggins, these are the signs that indicate it:
- Struggling to delegate
- Becoming suspicious or irritated when people make an effort to get to know you
- Prefer working alone rather than in a group
- Having perfectionistic traits
- Having the urge to be constantly busy
- Refusing to ask others for help, or to accept it
- Finding it difficult to share your needs or frustrations and feeling resentment when others do
- Finding it a challenge to be vulnerable
- Struggling to trust people
- Having coping behavior to numb your feelings
Do many of these points sound familiar to you? Then it might be wise to follow Leggins' advice: try to see accepting help as something strong and brave instead of immediately rejecting it.
Source: Well and Good | Image: Netflix
