This is how you know that you are not ready to settle down

Everyone who has dated one person for a longer period has experienced this at some point. You enjoy each other's company, it feels relaxed and the contact is exciting, but in the meantime, you also feel free to go wherever you want. But then comes the moment when you realize that your date expects you to make a choice: will it become serious or will you part ways here? It may even be that you have been in a committed relationship for a while and there is a request for more commitment, such as moving in together; in any case, something of confirmation regarding future perspective.

You might feel a slight sense of panic rising when this point is reached. That, as soon as it comes to this subject, you would prefer to cut off the conversation and run away hard; anything to avoid disappointing the other by saying that you’re not quite ready for that yet. There are various signals that indicate you are not ready to settle down. For example, you may still need the freedom to meet others, or, if you are already in a relationship, you might doubt whether you miss your ex more than you thought. It could also be that you notice you prefer to meet with friends rather than planning a romantic evening with your lover or that you haven't even told your friends about your date yet. It’s all happening too fast for you, and you find it a bit scary to think that this is the person you will be connected to for a longer time (or maybe even forever?).

Maybe you are perfectly fine with not wanting to commit to someone in that way. Then it is important to inform that person about it as well. This way, the other can also make the choice of whether the wait is still worth it. But if you secretly find it very unfortunate and difficult that you experience this fear of commitment and would like the idea of settling down with someone and really building something together? The best idea is then to consider therapy, possibly even together. This way, you can strengthen the bond between you. This mainly applies to people who are already in a relationship, of course. If you are still in the dating phase, it’s better to focus on working on yourself rather than on your ‘relationship’.