This is how you recognize minimal effort dating

You met someone you would like to get to know better. Maybe it was that they had to convince you a bit before you admitted and agreed to the date, but in the end, you are quite happy that you did. Your date is gallant, funny, you find them super hot and you are already starting to think about whether you might actually be a good match for each other in the long term. Of course, it is normal that as you get to know each other longer, you become a bit more comfortable with each other and no longer jump through hoops to please the other. But the other extreme is ‘minimal effort dating’: someone who really only does the bare minimum to keep the relationship going. That little extra effort for each other seems to come from only one side; you are the one who has to adapt and you keep trying to make it fun together. Of course, that is not okay at all. But how do you recognize minimal effort dating?

The main characteristic is that you always have the feeling that someone really wants to go for you, but still doesn't take that extra step. You can notice this, for example, because other appointments always take precedence. There is little initiative from your date, and if you suggest something, there is 9 out of 10 times a ‘but’, because they have probably already made plans with others or your lover is too tired after meeting all those people all week. He or she does act sweet and fun, but if you pay attention, it's only at the moments when you start to get irritated by the uneven dynamic between you. Then the love bombing begins: acting extremely sweet and showering you with compliments, just to keep you close. You will notice that as soon as you start having fun again, that love bombing also stops. It only shows itself again when things go wrong between you.

Every appointment is only when it suits them, people who show minimal effort will not quickly set something else aside for you. You are allowed to be there for them constantly, but the other way around is almost never the case. Do you need to vent? Unfortunately, that doesn't work right now. But you are supposed to feel honored when the other calls you first when shit hits the fan. What a wonderful feeling, that you get to clean up the mess. Not. The interest in your life is generally limited: what you do in a day, what you experience, or what you are proud of or what gives you a happy feeling. It doesn't really matter to that other person. It is therefore quite important that you start to realize what minimal effort dating is, and that you see the difference with someone who really wants to make an effort for you. If someone really wants to go for you, you don't have to keep your phone at hand to be available. You don't have to run so hard to be there for someone. It happens naturally. And if that is not the case, and you feel like you have to work hard all the time to make it enjoyable, then it is apparently not meant to be.