This is how to survive Christmas dinner at your critical mother-in-law's house

At Christmas, there is always a dinner that you dread a little. And you can bet your savings that there is always someone who will observe you with a magnifying glass in the hope of catching you in an etiquette mistake. Then they can talk about it for a year. Because you don't want to give those sourpusses that pleasure, I asked how it should be according to Anne-Marie van Leggelo and Vincent Vermeulen, the etiquette experts of the new season of ‘Dames in de Dop’.

Not wanting to make an effort

What Anne-Marie and Vincent say are the biggest faux pas: there is too little respect and too much laziness. “Simply being social and friendly with each other, online and offline, is often where it goes wrong,” says Anne-Marie. According to Vincent, people nowadays make too little effort. “Laziness is one of the biggest problems in society. People no longer take the time for a proper greeting, for example. Etiquette takes some effort, but it also yields a lot.” Something ‘simple’ like not adhering to a dress code is already an example of a common mistake and a clear sign of a lack of respect according to the experts. So the first tip is in: think about your outfit for the dinner.

How can that be?

Yet these mistakes don't just come out of nowhere. Anne-Marie explains that it's also a bit of a generational thing. “Look at the 1970s, for example, there was more room for freedom and joy in upbringing and there were fewer rules. That generation grew up with less etiquette and they pass that on to their children. Freedom is good, but when it comes to social manners, people miss a kind of guidance.’ And that's why it now goes wrong with those dress codes. Because honestly, does everyone know exactly what is meant by black tie? Etiquette also changes over time and can vary by culture and situation. You have to learn to play with it a bit. Even if you know what is and isn't appropriate, according to Vincent, you can still find yourself in awkward situations. ”The majority don't know the basic etiquette and if you do follow it, they might look at you strangely.“ So you don't have to feel guilty right away; it's not always your fault.

Confidence is key

In ‘Dames in de Dop’, Anne-Marie and Vincent spend a lot of time on the self-confidence of the ladies. Because: self-confidence is the basis of language and language is the basis of etiquette. “Insecurity is radiated through your body language. Bad manners stand out more than good manners because then everything runs smoothly,” explains Anne-Marie. Knowing how to behave brings peace and makes you look much more confident according to Vincent. “You can see from someone's body language that an action is sincere, and that gives a feeling of respect.” So it all starts with knowing what you are doing, what you radiate, and trusting that.

Do’s & don’ts

Now we naturally want to know what we should and shouldn't do to ensure that we get through that dinner at the in-laws well. Fortunately, Anne-Marie and Vincent have tips for that. “It basically comes down to thinking logically and starts with good preparation. Make sure you know where you need to be and especially at what time. Try not to be too present.” And although it may not seem like a crazy thought to wash away your nerves with a glass of bubbles, that is also something you should be careful with according to the experts. The same goes for the topics you want to discuss; political or polarizing subjects are really a no-go. And if something does go wrong, according to Anne-Marie, it's really not the end of the world. “Making mistakes is really okay; it’s about how you charmingly solve it. If you say something weird or do something silly, apologize or make a joke out of it. Knowing how to solve those situations is also a form of good manners.”

Curious about more tips? ‘Dames in de Dop’ will be available on Prime Video starting November 8.

Image: Prime Video Netherlands