Dating

Viral on TikTok: ‘Boysober’: consciously detoxing from all dating

By Maartje Beks | #!30Sat, 02 Nov 2024 15:27:11 +0100+01:001130#30Sat, 02 Nov 2024 15:27:11 +0100+01:00-3Europe/Amsterdam3030Europe/Amsterdam202430 02pm30pm-30Sat, 02 Nov 2024 15:27:11 +0100+01:003Europe/Amsterdam3030Europe/Amsterdam2024302024Sat, 02 Nov 2024 15:27:11 +01002732711pmSaturday=9#!30Sat, 02 Nov 2024 15:27:11 +0100+01:00Europe/Amsterdam11#11-02-2024#!30Sat, 02 Nov 2024 15:27:11 +0100+01:001130#/30Sat, 02 Nov 2024 15:27:11 +0100+01:00-3Europe/Amsterdam3030Europe/Amsterdam202430#!30Sat, 02 Nov 2024 15:27:11 +0100+01:00Europe/Amsterdam11#

TikTok seems to be the place to be for all life advice these days. Well, at least you can find a whole lot of suggestions that could make your life better. This also applies to love. One dating trend has completely taken over TikTok in recent months: ‘Boysober’. A conscious choice to stay as far away as possible from everything related to dating.

It's done for a while

The trend started with American comedian Hope Woodard. Her dating life was, in her own words, quite a mess. After yet another failed attempt to find love, she was really done with it. She deleted all her dating apps and decided to take a break from everything related to dating. She had already stopped drinking for a year and discovered how well she got to know herself during that time. She definitely wanted to maintain this new celibate life for a year. She shared her experiences on TikTok. When she and her sister came up with the term ‘Boysober’, her idea was quickly picked up.

The rules

The rules of ‘Boysober’ are actually very simple: (online) dating in any form is forbidden. That means: no dating apps, no dates, no contacting exes, no situationships, and no intimacy. No cuddling, kissing, and definitely no sex. Instead of constantly being busy with all the flings, prela's, and eventual's (yes, that exists) and worrying about why the other person still hasn't replied, the focus is now entirely on you. What do you really want? In terms of hobbies, friends, and work. It's time to get to know yourself better; dating can come later.

What do experts say?

If you find that the entire dating scene is quite frustrating, relationship coach Amie Leadingham suggests that it's actually good to take a step back and take time for self-reflection. Indeed, put all dating apps, and actually just social media, in the background and reset yourself. According to Amie, the time of many hookups and quick situationships is over; people are much more purposefully looking for a relationship. When you do return to the (online) dating world, the focus should be on choosing who you find interesting and not on trying to sell yourself.

And, does it help?

Hope has almost completed her ‘Boysober’ months and looks back on a very good choice: “It has been a way for me to get to know myself, focus on real connections and friendships, and not rely on the validation of dating, dating apps, and sex.” She hopes it will help others feel stronger in the end.

So, for those who had a disastrous dating year in 2024: maybe a ‘Boysober’ 2025.

Source: People

@justhopinalongThe official boysober rules lmk if you had questions or feedback♬ original sound – Hope Woodard