Why having sex with your ex is a good idea according to psychologists
You accidentally end up in bed together one more time. Well, it's over and done with. But not completely. There’s still some desire, buried deep under your arguments and breakup. And that feels good. Sex with your ex: who doesn’t know it?
Why do we do it? And better yet: can it be harmful according to psychologists and relationship therapists?
You will already hear all your girlfriends: ‘don't do it, don't start it’. Yes, you know it. It might not be the best plan in the world to jump into bed together. Yet, there are psychologists who believe that there are certain circumstances in which sex with an ex can be a good idea.
1. Emotional processing and closure
One of the main reasons why sex with an ex can be useful is that it helps you in a nice way with emotional processing and achieving closure. According to psychologists, physical intimacy with an ex-partner can help process lingering feelings and truly close a chapter. This can be especially important if the relationship ended abruptly or without clear closure.
2. Reduction of stress and anxiety
Sex is a natural way to reduce stress and anxiety. With an ex-partner, you often have a familiarity and comfort that you don’t have with new partners. This familiarity can make you feel more at ease, which enhances the stress-reducing benefits of sex. This can contribute to a sense of well-being and relaxation during a difficult time.
3. Boosting self-confidence
After a breakup, self-confidence can take a significant hit. Sex with an ex can help improve your self-image by making you feel wanted and attractive again. Psychologists suggest that this can be especially helpful for people who struggle to move on or who feel insecure about themselves after the end of a relationship. You just feel seen again and not like a failure. You deserve to be here.
4. Fulfilling physical needs
Fulfilling physical needs is another reason why sex with an ex can sometimes be a good idea. People have natural physical desires, and sex with an ex can be a safe and familiar way to fulfill these without the complications and uncertainties of new sexual relationships. This can help reduce loneliness and sexual frustration.
Of course, there are some caveats to consider. Sometimes you need to let go of your emotions when you hook up with an old flame. You also need to adjust your expectations: it’s not like everything will be fine again after a hookup. It should be clear that it’s about physical intimacy and not about reconciliation. Sometimes sex is just sex. And it’s still over and done with. Almost completely then… Or yes, now really. Schluss.
