Baby visit etiquette
Although it's been a while for me, I can still remember some (especially awkward) moments during the baby visit as if it were yesterday. People surely don't do it on purpose, and the overload of new mother feelings and pregnancy hormones certainly won't help, but some things are simply not very handy to do when you're about to meet a baby for the first time. Today, for everyone who has a baby visit planned, but certainly also for all parents-to-be to subtly slide under the noses of their visitors: the baby visit etiquette. A small effort for you and (believe me) a great pleasure for the new parents.
Are you sniffling? Do you feel unwell or have a cold sore?
Stay home! It's understandable that you want to meet the little one ASAP, but due to the reduced immunity of newborns, it's really not handy to spread it to the whole household. The horror: a cold sore. Although the risk of infection is small, a cold sore can be life-threatening for newborns. It can lead to meningitis or an infection of the brain tissue. Brrr, you definitely don't want that on your conscience.
Don't show up unannounced
Where parents might have appreciated a spontaneous visit before, the chances are that with a newborn in the house and their new rhythm, this works out a lot less well. It's better to schedule a fixed day and time, no matter how well-intentioned it is.
Don't force your moment
Patience is a virtue, and every delivery is different. One family may need baby visits sooner than another. No recovery, baby, and/or parent is the same. So give them time. They are also eager to hug and see you, and they will naturally reach out to you.
Ring the doorbell
Opinions are divided on this. My advice: better safe than sorry, and knock softly first. This way, you won't have a startled baby or barking dog on your conscience.
Wash your hands
Even if you're not sick, you bring a lot of bacteria inside. While many parents might feel a bit annoying asking for it, they will really appreciate it if you wash your hands upon entering without being asked.
Sleep, baby, sleep
Of course, you're excited to finally see the mini, but try not to pet, kiss, or cuddle them right away. Not at all, but especially if the baby is sleeping: let them sleep. Who knows how long the parents took to get their little one to sleep.
Don't assume you can hold the baby right away
Correction: at least don't ask. If the parents feel comfortable, they will surely ask you themselves. If not? Don't take it too personally. For some parents, it's quite an adjustment and still a bit scary to let other people hold their mini.
Is the baby crying?
If you have the little one in your arms but they're not happy or suddenly start crying a lot? Try not to soothe them yourself but give the little one back to mom or dad. Most mothers find it difficult to see their child cry with someone else, but at the same time, they find it very hard to ask for the little one back. So just be that awkward moment for them.
Leave your perfume at home
Oh my. This is one I can still remember well. Enzo just out of the bath and his most delicious baby scent suddenly smelled like Douglas x 10 after a short baby visit. So maybe skip a spray before your next baby visit. The parents will be eternally grateful for it!
Keep certain questions to yourself
Read: ‘How is it down there?’ and: ‘Did you tear a lot?’ No, no, no. Don't do that, guys.
Don't linger too long
An hour is super nice, but after that, it's time for the baby and parents to chill. And understand the accompanying hints well. The parents probably adore you and won't just show you the door, but believe me: other hints for that are: ‘Shall we try to let them sleep again?‘ or: ’I think I'm going to feed them soon.‘
Be careful with unsolicited advice
How well-intentioned it may be, unsolicited advice can sometimes come off as annoying or even hurtful to new parents. Of course, you want to help, and a tip can be harmless, but parents can be quite insecure at the beginning of the postpartum period, which means certain advice can easily rub them the wrong way.
Just don't do it!
If the baby cries a lot, sleeps poorly, or doesn't drink much: never make it worse for the parents by telling them what your baby did super well/fun/nice and chill. We don't want to hear that. Especially not if we've only slept for an hour and a half last night.
Return a photo
If the parents proudly put you on the picture with their little one, ask if you can also take a photo of them. They probably have few photos as a new family and will be super happy with the photo you took later on.
