Experts warn about the latest dating trend ‘floodlighting’
Anyone who takes a step into the current dating world will notice one thing: trend after trend keeps popping up. Just when we understand what is meant by ‘loud looking’, the next term takes over our for you page again. Daters seem to be massively opting for ‘floodlighting’; especially among Gen-Z, it is becoming increasingly popular. However, you might want to refrain from immediately jumping on this new craze; according to dating experts, it is quite toxic.
Meet ‘floodlighting’
A floodlight is essentially a large spotlight; in the context of dating, it refers to people who put their relationship in the spotlight early on, according to psychologist Brené Brown. They do this by sharing extremely personal information, sometimes even on a first date. These are often vulnerable stories, filled with emotions. For example, imagine your date immediately starts talking about their parents‘ divorce and how much impact it has had during your first meeting. This is a stark contrast to the ’what are your hobbies?‘ conversations you typically have in this setting. While sharing personal information isn’t necessarily bad, it goes wrong with ’floodlighting’ due to the reason behind sharing those details.
Why do people ‘floodlight’?
According to dating expert Jessica Alderson, there are several reasons why people use this trend. “People share a lot of personal details at once to test the waters, accelerate intimacy, or to see if the other person can handle these parts of them.” While it may seem like someone is quickly looking for a connection and a sense of trust, two important characteristics of a relation, according to Alderson, it is actually about suppressing insecurity. “Floodlighting often stems from a fear of rejection – a way to show all your vulnerabilities at once in the hope of being accepted. But real connection develops gradually, not under the pressure of emotional overload.” You are essentially trying to force a bond between you and your date, while you should actually take much longer to build a solid foundation. By overwhelming your date with personal information right away, you only push the other person away and your relationship may never get a fair chance to truly blossom. That is certainly not the intention.
How do you recognize ‘floodlighting’?
You don’t need to be afraid to share some personal information now. Conversely, there shouldn’t be immediate red flags waving if your date shares something vulnerable. As long as it doesn’t get too intense right away, there’s nothing wrong. To alleviate any doubts, there are a few signals to watch for. A conversation should naturally come from both sides, but with ‘floodlighting’, that is not the case. One of the two is primarily doing the talking, leaving little room for the other to contribute. If one person is continuously talking, this person is often also very attentive to how the story is being reacted to. Are you the recipient of all this information? Then you probably feel quite overwhelmed; also a signal that something is not right. A final point is the pace of your ‘relationship’. With ‘floodlighting’, you are making much bigger steps than is actually healthy, so it’s not strange if it all feels like it’s happening very quickly.
A final tip
Whether you are about to start ‘floodlighting’ yourself or catch your date doing it; in both cases, it’s important to take a step back. Clearly set your boundaries and respect those of the other person as well. A real emotional bond does not form within one date, and it doesn’t have to. If the feeling is right, you will have more than enough time to truly get to know each other and find a connection. There’s no need to rush, and you can really take the time to enjoy that dating phase.
Source: PureWow & Economic Times
