Just complaining: about those people who only drink natural wine

Amanda needs to get something off her chest, because there is a phenomenon that really makes her pull her hair out: natural wine. Or, as she calls it, ‘the liquid equivalent of a macramé plant hanger.’ And it's not even the wine itself...

‘Don't get me wrong, I love wine. No, I LIVE for wine. My bookshelf is full of wine books, I can flawlessly tell you the difference between a Pouilly-Fumé and a Sancerre, and I have more respect for a good sommelier than for a heart surgeon. as a matter of speech. But natural wine... natural wine brings out the worst in people.

Sustainable and responsible

Because natural wine is not just wine. It's a statement. A way of life. It's as if with every sip you're trying to say: ‘Look at me being sustainable and ethically responsible.’ But in the meantime, it tastes like you have your mouth full of a wet forest. Full of moldy and musty leaves. At least, that's what I taste in such a glass. But don't bring that up with someone who drinks natural wines. They talk about ‘exciting wild yeasts.’ Yes, exciting like a roller coaster that suddenly stops in a tunnel full of mold.

The people who drink natural wine

It's not about the wine itself for me. What can I have against a wine that is made in the most natural way possible without fertilizers and pesticides? There's nothing wrong with wanting to lead a tasteful and conscious life. I think that's really beautiful, and if the wines that apparently belong to it are also tasty: fantastic! No, it's those people who drink natural wine.

On one hand, you have those types who really have no idea what they're drinking, but have heard that natural wine is ‘in’ and suddenly it's their whole personality. It's a cultural code. Natural wine is their status symbol. They are those ‘oat milk elite’ types who show up at a party with a bottle that looks like a toddler has pasted a collage on it. And then they say things like: 'This wine is really very special. It comes from a micro-winery in Umbria, where they work with cosmic cycles.' I don't know why someone like that is always named Djim or Thaurus, but I also don't know any Henk who drinks natural wine. manbun and beaded bracelets.

The wine connoisseur

The second type is perhaps even worse: the self-proclaimed connoisseurs. Those people who act like natural wine is your ticket to the elite's paradise. They slurp, nod seriously, and say things like: ‘This really has that raw energy of an unfiltered maceration. Very pure. Very natural..’ Nine times out of ten it just tastes like vinegar. But of course, you can't say that, because then you're on the wrong side of history. Because that's the real problem, right? Natural wine is not just a drink. It's a moral choice. It's a way of saying: ‘I am enlightened. I am responsible. I am better than you with your Chardonnay.’

Underdeveloped taste

And then the worst: if you dare to say that you don't like it, they look at you as if you've just admitted that you find Pétrus with cola a delightful combination. ‘Oh, you don't like natural wine? Maybe your taste is just not... developed enough.’ No, my taste is perfectly developed, thank you. I just don't like something that tastes like it came straight from a muddy rainpipe.

And besides, I just have no need to use my drink choice as a moral compass. Because ultimately, let's be honest, the best wine is the wine that makes you happy. And for me? That's not natural wine. Cheers!’

Amanda's name is fictionalized for privacy. Her real name is known to the editorial team. Do you also want to share a personal story (anonymously!)? You can email us at info@favorflav.com