This is why you sometimes just need to complain

It's too cold or the train is delayed, we always find something to complain about. Someone who just whines is of course quite annoying; but to be honest, sometimes it really feels good to vent all your frustrations. And it turns out that's not so crazy at all. According to research, it's actually very healthy to complain for a bit, but you have to do it the right way.

Let off some steam

As much as we would like it, life is not perfect. According to Dr. Robin Kowalski, professor of psychology at Clemson University, we should especially not pretend otherwise. Naming what bothers you prevents negative feelings from piling up and causing you stress. Letting off some steam can help you gain more perspective on a situation and dare to express your feelings. If you do it right, you might even discover what the real problem is for you and start looking for a solution. Complaining also helps strengthen relationships, according to communication expert Margot Bastin. “People feel closer to each other, so the friendship is really strengthened by it.” Not only that: discussing your problem with someone else also allows you to view it from a bit of a distance. Maybe it's not as intense as it seems in your head and you can solve it easily. In any case, expressing your frustrations also motivates you to actually do something about it. Not just endlessly worrying, but getting to work. Before we use an endless free pass to complain about everything and everyone, it's important to do it the right way. You certainly don't want to view everything with a big dark cloud.

How do you complain well?

According to Dr. Kowalski, it all starts with being aware of how often you actually complain and also with whom you do that. “You can't change your behavior until you're aware of it.” If you notice that you often call that one friend to vent, you might think a bit longer the next time before immediately jumping into complaint mode and grabbing your phone. If you really want to express yourself to someone, according to psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson, it's good to make that clear. This way, others know better how they can help you. Do you just need a listening ear or real advice? Thinking about what you want to achieve with a conversation also prevents you from automatically putting on your negative glasses again. According to mindfulness expert Angela Grice, journaling can also be a good way to deal with your complaints. “Giving yourself some space and time to organize your own thoughts can help regulate your emotions and discover how to express and process them.” This way, you can get it out of your head for a moment and think calmly about how you want to solve the ‘problem’. Especially if the people you normally complain to only reinforce your negative thoughts, journaling can be a nice outlet. By being aware of how often, with whom, and in what way you complain, you can ensure that it remains a healthy outlet. Occasionally venting those frustrations is good, but you certainly don't want to turn into the grumpy smurf of your friend group.

Source: The New York Times, Image: Emily in Paris