What is roaching? Everything about this toxic dating trend
A new trend has entered the dating chat: roaching. And that is not something we should necessarily be happy about right now. Finding love is already not easy, but toxic hypes like this make it just a bit harder. With roaching, one thing is certain: your potential lover is not being honest; and that is, of course, an absolute no-go for a relationship. We gathered all the ins and outs of this trend – that saves you a lot of heartache.
What is roaching exactly (and why is it so mean)?
With roaching, your potential lover is not honest about the number of people the other is dating at that moment. The trend comes up when the status of your ‘relationship’ starts to get a bit blurry. Are you really putting a label on it, or is it still a bit too early? Maybe you think you are already exclusive, but that message has not quite reached your date yet. Without you knowing it, you are not the only one trying to figure out if the other is relationship material. The name roaching comes from the word cockroach, so a cockroach. The idea is that if you discover there is one other partner, there is a good chance there are more. A bit like discovering a pest infestation. A nasty idea, of course, but this trend is also not exactly positive.
Is roaching the same as cheating?
If someone is secretly dating other people, then it is actually just cheating? Well, with roaching that is not the case. This has to do with the fact that you never really made it official. Being exclusive or having a committed relationship are two different things in today’s dating world. A ‘roacher’ will probably use a phrase like ‘but we never had the talk’ as an excuse. And although that may be true, it doesn’t make it any less unpleasant.
The signs of roaching
Roachers often know how to hide their complex love lives well. To help you protect yourself a bit better against this, we list some important signs that can help you recognize roaching. Red flag number one: an evasive attitude. Having the talk is, of course, exciting, but it will have to happen at some point. If you notice that someone keeps avoiding the ‘are we exclusive’ question, that can be a sign that they are still happily dating around. A second signal: a packed schedule, which they are especially not open about. Planning a date seems impossible, or they often suddenly cancel. Maybe because they scored a more fun date? Another thing to watch for is their phone. A roacher will not take their eyes off it for a moment; just imagine if a message from one of the other dates comes in. For the fact that they seem so glued to that phone, these sneaky daters post suspiciously little on their socials; also about your relationship. Of course, not everything needs to be online, but not posting anything at all feels a bit like it has to remain a secret.
What should you do if your date is roaching?
What if you discover that your almost lover is actually roaching? Then there is nothing else to do but have the conversation. It is important that you both know where you really stand and what your wishes are. Will you become exclusive or does one of you not want such a commitment or maybe even an open relation? Whatever you both want, it’s all okay; as long as you are honest about it. This way, you can determine if there is a match or if your ideas are just a bit too far apart.
How to prevent roaching
Confronting someone if one of you has already burned themselves with roaching is, of course, not pleasant. It probably won’t be a very cheerful conversation. Ideally, you want to prevent it from getting that far; and you can actually do that in a very simple way: be honest from the start. If you make it clear right away what your wishes are and where your boundaries lie, you prevent it from eventually clashing. Also handy: check occasionally if anything has changed and if you are both still happy with your relationship status. This way, you can take the next steps together or decide that it is better to go your own way. Good communication and a sense of trust remain a must for a good relationship. A dating trend like roaching is therefore better to skip. That saves a lot of disappointment and time and energy that could have been spent on a date that actually had real potential. The more you know.
