This is how you give your sex life the boost it needs

Are you not getting enough sex anymore? Or does every sexual encounter feel like the same old routine that you do ‘because it's expected’? Then it's time for an intervention. Do you remember when you were head over heels in love and couldn't keep your hands off each other? Yes? The goal is to get that feeling back. You and your partner should be chasing each other around the house. But how are you going to get that boost if you've already tried sex toys and other positions things? There is another secret that will help you: somatic sexology. This is not a fluffy course where you have to talk for hours about your childhood, but a training where you learn to feel what your body is trying to tell you. And that? Apparently works super exciting.

So. What is somatic sexology and what do you get out of it?

No panic, you won't get a therapeutic lesson. ‘Somatic’ simply means: focused on the body. Somatic sexology is not just about experiencing pleasure with your mind, but rather about exploring how you can feel that in your body. While a regular sexologist starts by discussing everything, somatic coaches use exercises like breathing, movement, and relaxation. Not to change how you think, but to learn to feel better what is happening in your body during sex.

You may know which position you like, but do you really feel when something doesn't feel right? When you're actually tired? Or when your body is relaxing? According to somatic sexologists good sex starts exactly there. Not by performing at your best, but by being present and setting your boundaries. It's about daring to indicate when something just doesn't feel right. Maybe you think it's nice, while you're actually as dry as the Sahara.

What you can learn from somatic sexology

1. Stop performing

This might be the most important lesson: sex is not a competition. There doesn't always have to be a spectacular orgasm. No one gives out scores that keep track of how well you or your partner is doing. Yet we all worry about how we look, whether we're still exciting enough, and whether the other person is enjoying themselves. All those worries contribute to sex not being pleasurable anymore. Step out of your head and feel what is happening in your body.

2. Discover what you actually like

Many people give their partner what they themselves prefer. You know which positions you like, so you think that will work out well, but it's less about the position and more about which touch makes you relax. Tension is necessary, but feeling comfortable is more important. So take the time to consciously discover what you really like. Not necessarily a position, but more: what drives your boat? What excites you? Is it tickling? Or gently stroking your hair? Find out what makes you ’tingle’ and build on that.

3. Learn to listen to your body

So really pay attention to the signals from your body that indicate whether or not you're in the mood. Sometimes you're tired or tense, while your mind thinks sex is part of it. You actually don't want to, but you jump on it anyway. That doesn't really help. By paying attention to what your body indicates (for example, that you're tired, staying dry, or thinking about groceries), you'll know when you really want to dive into bed. You'll only have good sex when you feel your best.

4. Take the pressure off the orgasm

Secretly, we are too focused on the end goal. Sex is only successful when someone has had an orgasm, but that's bad advice. It's a nice bonus, yes. But mandatory? No. Sometimes you benefit more from cuddling together. By rebuilding your bond, you'll ultimately have better sex. Enjoy everything that happens before the finish line.

5. Be curious after all these years

Do you think that after ten years there are no surprises left? Then you're mistaken. People change. What you loved five years ago may not be your favorite position anymore. That reverse cowgirl? It hurts your knees. And on a chair? Yeah... You don't see that happening anymore, literally. That's why it's good to try new things. Pick up a book with different positions to find out which new things you enjoy. Who knows, you might uncover a new passion?

So you really don't have to go into therapy. Try these tips and see how it goes. Want to dive deeper? Then you can visit a somatic sexologist. Not to have a spiritual awakening, but to get to know your body better. By reinventing yourself, you'll rediscover your love for sex. And honestly, that's the most exciting discovery you can make.