Working in the funeral industry: “It's not just sad”
Grief. Not everyone finds it easy to talk about, but at our kitchen table, it's a daily topic. My mother, Renate Domhof, is the owner and funeral director of Van Eldik-Domhof Funeral Care. She speaks effortlessly about the joys and sorrows shared around a death.
Working with grief: why my mother became a funeral director
Through all the (sometimes extremely) special stories I hear from my mother, I also sometimes become fascinated. I always say: “working in funerals is not for the weak.” And that is really true, considering what my mother goes through.
Mom has been with her (now) own company for 9 years; she was previously employed by someone else. Due to her own experience with her deceased father, after which she was so impressed by the work done there, she decided to enter the funeral industry herself. After a two-year interim training, which she did alongside raising 3 young kids, she had her certificate in hand: she was a funeral director. Extremely exciting, such a leap into the deep end, but at the same time also incredibly fascinating.
From travel agency employee to funeral director
My mother changed jobs for her career: from travel agency employee to funeral director. “At first glance, they may seem like very different worlds. But there are many similarities,” she says. “Both are people-oriented jobs. Working at a travel agency is not just fun, and the funeral industry is not just sad.”
Furthermore, she openly talks about the loss of her father, which left a deep impression on the rest of her life. But this great loss had its silver lining, as it was the beginning of her career in the funeral industry. “When my father passed away in 2000, he was laid out at home. It was customary for the caretaker of the Harreveld church (our tiny village in the Achterhoek) to also be the funeral director. I found his work very interesting, and the caretaker, who was my uncle, noticed that. He involved me in the wake, and I could ask whatever I wanted,” she recalls as if it were yesterday. “The open and honest way he did his work is still an example for me. Not that was the moment I wanted to work in the funeral industry, but it stayed in the back of my mind.”
Especially when the work at the travel agency changed due to the advent of the internet.
From travel to the final journey
“Gradually, more work was done digitally, and personal conversations became less frequent. The transition from the travel to the funeral world is not that big,” Renate believes. “As a travel agency employee, you don't just share cheerful travel stories, but you also deal with cancellations due to circumstances and with people who want to make one last journey. As a funeral director, I had the time to pay attention to the bereaved. With them, I share not only sad stories but also beautiful memories. That makes the work so engaging.”
Special stories from the funeral industry
Those beautiful and sad memories will always stay with her. Fortunately, she doesn't take them home, as many people think. It's important that you can, to a certain extent, distance yourself from the grief of others.
Sad moments mom tries to turn into something more beautiful. But there are still reports of deaths that make her swallow hard. “When there is a report of the death of a young man or woman, a child, or a baby, we always go there with heavy hearts. You never get used to it,” she says. “Fortunately, it doesn't happen often, but as funeral directors, we can help by being there and providing the best possible farewell.”
“There are countless beautiful moments, even though there is often a lot of sadness, there is also often a lot of laughter from the beautiful memories that are shared.”
