Allow me to begin with a confession: I kind of really hate Christmas. I’ve got all kinds of reasons, but it’s mostly due to the fact that I’m quite incompatible with enforced cosiness. Which is also possibly the reason why I hate New Year’s Eve even more. The details of it all will probably come out one day, but for now it suffices to say that my last couple of New Year’s Eves were quite horrific. Therefore, it’s difficult to explain how insanely happy I get when I think of the fact that I’m celebrating both Christmas and New Year’s Eve on a scorchingly hot beach in Vietnam. It makes me feel so happy that I even had a change of rotten heart and took to an exception to this time speak about the holidays in my fashion explorer. Or, well, about the dinners and parties that come with the holiday season. Because dress codes and etiquettes are always such a hassle. What to wear, what not to wear, and especially what time, for the love of god, to finally go home again.
Dress codes and ETIQUETTES are always such a hassle. What to wear, what not to wear, and especially what time, for the love of god, to FINALLY go home again.
A party truly worthwhile comes with a dress code. The idea’s that you keep to this dress code, unless you’re called Bas Kosters and like to take your concept of AntiFashion to the extreme by going everywhere with Dirk van den Broek and Zeeman bags (seriously). Right, enough people who panic over dress codes even though it’s something to be cherished. There’s nothing more annoying then to arrive totally under- or overdressed (still remember Bridget Jones’s bunny outfit because she was the only one who hadn’t received the changed dress code), which a dress code protects you against.
If you hang out with a certain type of crowd, you might get invited to a black tie or white tie event. The first one means that hubbie should wear a dinner jacket with smooth, black leather shoes and you should preferably wear an elegant (cocktail) dress, both long and short dresses are allowed (though preferably not mini, right above the knees is fine). Your cleavage should be civilised and modest, subtle jewellery and leave your gloves at home. White tie means that you’re ready to party. Dresses need be floor-length, bosoms up and out, jewellery’s your best friend again and take out those long gloves. Wear rings underneath your gloves, bracelets over them. Men wear tails with a white vest, white shirt and bow tie, and patent leather shoes. Don’t wear watches because that’s impolite to the host or hostess. And great parties should make you forget about the time, anyway. Oh, and another fun fact to drop nonchalantly during such an evening: we say dinner jacket because long ago a velvet jacket was worn by men when they went to smoke a cigar after dinner to make sure they wouldn’t smell like smoke when they’d rejoin the party for some cheese (which came after the cigars).
If you haven’t got upper arms of STEEL like Michelle Obama then you should probably stick to DRESSES with sleeves.
Bare arms are difficult. The rules for such affairs are less strict than they used to be. It mostly comes down to self-knowledge these days. Or honest girlfriends. Personally, I think it’s horrendous to see so many women putting on strapless dresses whilst about 98 % would do themselves a favour if they hadn’t. There’s nothing more ugly than all those back rolls that hang out of your dress. I’ve got a very nice strapless dress from Armani that I wear with a top from gauze, just like I had on at Amayzine.com’s launch party. Great solution if I say so myself. Bare upper arms are also a bit of a thing. If you haven’t got upper arms of steel like Michelle Obama then you should probably stick to dresses with sleeves. Which I think are almost always prettier, anyway.
Another couple of things to keep in mind. If you’re invited to a dinner then keep in mind that your dress shouldn’t be about to pop any moment. Or, and I speak from personal experience, that you bought a dress a size too small but lived on water and lettuce for a week only to realise that the forth course undid all of this.
Also, when you stand in front of the mirror and think, “yes, this dress is fabulous, this is the one,” ask yourself whether it’ll be as fabulous when you sit down. I once made the error to wear a very pretty, very simple black dress, but spiced it up with amazing heels in rather hysterical colours. But when you’re seated at a table, it’s become hardly worth the effort. The photos that were taken that evening only show me in a t-shirt-like dress. Not cool.
Don’t even bother saying goodbye to everyone. Just pull a HOUDINI (secretly take off), all that “noooo-are-you-really-leaving” only means more hassle.
You didn’t burst out of your dress and survived the evening? Great, time to go back home. Don’t even bother saying goodbye to everyone. Just pull a Houdini (secretly take off), all that “noooo-are-you-really-leaving” only means more hassle. I don’t think Gill Harbord would approve of this, but it’s that rotten heart, ey; it’s not easy getting rid of it. It’s the first and last time I’ll say it this year: I wish you all swell holidays.
