Five hot soccer players to remember

I feel so relieved now the cat’s out the bag about my intense hatred for soccer. It’s great that I don’t have to think of any more excuses on why I can’t attend a fucking game (“yeah, no, I can’t. Ermm Ikea’s delivering something. Or something like that). Now I know you always need to combine the negative with the positive so I’m going to say something positive about the WC. Namely the hot men that work the field. Ha! And seen that women are often deemed a sex object, I’m now turning things around. So without further ado: these are the men we wouldn’t send away at our breakfast table.

1. Gerard Pique

Yes. This man. Those piercing blue eyes and that quiff is too die for. Google him and you’re soon to find photos of him with his pregnant, blonde, and gorgeous girlfriend which I prefer to ignore.

2. Sergio Ramos

The Spaniard will play tonight and that’s okahay. He’s got a fun beard and those eyes have something sweet. Not that standard look which makes him look as though he won’t get much further than “eeehhhhh yeah well eeerrrmmmm we just had to eeerrmmmm uuuhhhhh winnnnn.” Ugh.

3. Lukas Podolski

This german is ambiguous. There are photos of him that make you say YES YES YES but also others that force you to say nein danke. The photos on which he isn’t wearing a shirt belong to the first category and so Lukas gets to stay in the list.

4. Carlos Bocanegra

An American with Mexican roots, that’s why the surprise is rather exotic. Quiffs are the trend amongst soccer players and you won’t hear me complain.

5. Panagiotis Kone

This Greek (with ridiculous name, but okay) has an interesting combination of rocker and hipster. The tattoos, the beard, the shaved coupe and well-waxed quiff — all fine. Empirical research has shown that when Pana (for close friends) takes off his shirt, most people would still enjoy what they see.

PS: I expressly did not want to talk about Christiano Ronaldo. Too boring, too cliché, too smooth.

PS2: check Brazil’s team because they’ve got a lovely menu on the field.