Believe it or not, I had never been in New York until just seven years ago. A virgin. Just like Kate Middleton who will be making her maiden voyage to the very best city in the world in December. Unbelievable, if I was her I would have taken that PJ to JFK at least seventeen times already, but since I also took a long time to get there for some or other reason, I can’t really judge her.

I made up for taking so long to get there though and since then have had my passport stamped by a strict JFK officer at least three times per year. Besides I’m always bumping into people who have lived in New York so I have totally made up for it.

All in all I seem to be the perfect person to instruct Kate on when to go. Ready? Go!

Tacky but you’ll want to

Once you’ve been to New York a few times, you’ll much rather spend time in Greenwich or Chelsea than on Times Square. But the first time you go, you’ll want the New York from the movies. Big time. Kate; “Take the helicopter, high five Lady Liberty, land on the Park Plaza hotel, land and go for a horse and carriage ride through Central Park with a blanket draped over those royal legs.

Horribly tacky but you’ll want to. Then jump in a yellow cab to Times Square for a peek at the billboards. On to the Empire State Building and you’re deflowered. Now let’s slowly get ready for the real thing.

Shop and spa

Kate, you’re pregnant and New York just happens to be a paradise for expectant mothers. The Juicy Couture store on Fifth Avenue has the cutest dummies and way cooler things than all that British tat. Then on to Bergdorf Goodman, the very best department store. If I were you I’d grab a bite to eat while you’re there. You’ll be sitting on the most gorgeous couches and surfing on the heavenly Bergdorf wifi.

Kate, you’re pregnant and New York just happens to be a paradise for expectant mothers

After lunch, I’d advise a relax-moment-de-luxe. Book yourself into the spa at the classic Carlyle Hotel. You’ll be treated with Sisley products, your mattress is warmed and even the slippers will be warmed for you before putting them on. Paradise on Park.

The real work

Now we can slowly head downtown. You must be extremely curious about the Meatpacking District. Don’t expect all too much. The hippest time period is over. But I do advise you to go shopping at Diane von Furstenberg  for a few dresses that will totally enhance that pregnant tummy. Intermix is a little further along on the right hand side and they are a mighty fine multi-brand store. And dinner is waiting on your righthand side. Just past The Standard Grill. Yes, there. All the top models and photographers hang out there. Because the Milk Studios are close by.

Next we’re heading for NoHo, Soho, Tribecaen Chelsea. The Soho Grand has the loveliest winter lobby I think. We’ll stop at Victoria’s Secret on Broadway. You can probably do with a new little set.

Next we’re heading for NoHo, Soho, Tribecaen Chelsea. The Soho Grand has the loveliest winter lobby I think. We’ll stop at Victoria’s Secret on Broadway

Afterwards we’ll take our black car back to Brooklyn. No, it’s not shabby. Brooklyn Heights is actually uber-chic.  You’ll find the nicest bars and restaurants in Redhook. You’ll have fun even if you don’t drink. Tonight we’re eating at Morandi, my favourite. It’s in Greenwich and only locals frequent it.

Still up for going out afterwards? Where it all happens? You’ll need to go to le Bain, they even have a jacuzzi with the most stunning view of the city. Mere mortals need to wait for hours in the queue but something tells me that we, you and I will be able to get in together.