If you’ve read this and this you’ll know I have a love-hate relationship with the wedding phenomenon. Leaving my roll as bride on the sidelines, I am focusing on the wedding guest because in my opinion they don’t come off very well.

the bachelor party

This is such a drag. My advice to all couples to be is; organize a nice dinner for your guests. Men and women together, carefree and fun. This way you’ll all bond nicely for the big day. On the subject of bonding, there are other ways to leave an impression.

ceremony-marriage-drinks

If my love and I are invited to the ceremony but not to the dinner yet invited to the party we say: we won’t come to the party. We’ll be drunk by then. Now I might be overreacting (it has happened a few times though), but how inhospitable is it to segregate people on a day like this. Do it right or don’t do it at all.

If you want an intimate dinner, I’d do it the night before the wedding. You can have your inner circle present there, but on the day? Come on. The more the merrier, right?

singles table

I remember this from my single days, long, long ago. Well I wasn’t actually single I was stuck in a complicated lover-situation therefore the outside world saw me as single. This resulted in me being seated at the singles-table at weddings. Most of the time it was beside some bachelor friend or cousin person. It’s great you two found each other but that doesn’t mean everyone is out to get hooked. Leave me alone. And seat me beside my friend and her boyfriend.

catching the bouquet

Almost every woman I know resents being divided into groups. The women who have to come forward to catch the bouquet, are seen as the losers, the castaways of the evening. Because either you are single (a loser) or you have someone but he just hasn’t popped the question yet and you desperately want him to.

everything at different locations

From the ‘I do’ ceremony to the drinks, to the dinner, to the party; all at different locations is such a hassle. We wedding guests don’t want that. So if you insist on moving us; arrange transport. A boat, a bus, a carriage, we don’t care as long as it’s taken care of.

the singing bride

For some strange reason every bride turns into Beyoncé on the day. They take singing lessons, study a song and sing to their loved one. And no matter how long or hard they practiced there’s only one Beyoncé. One Adele. So keep your dignity and recite a nice poem. That’s sweet. Really. No acts by amateurs who aren’t even good as amateurs. Please.

furthermore

We don’t particularly like strapless dresses, we think releasing a flock of pigeons is stupid and that the dress code color ‘turquoise’ is very unhandy because we’ll have to buy something we’ll never get to wear again, we want something else to drink other than beer, wine and soda and we always have trouble with the openings dance and the list of 26 kinds of photos that you want us to take.

Okay smartypants if you still aren’t afraid to invite us I’ll admit we still love weddings. Truly.