How it works in New York

THE DO’S AND DON’TS

Once in a while I check the heinously irritating ‘other messages’ box on Facebook. Still to this day I see no point in having a folder where messages from non-friends and spam come together. What’s wrong with having a non-friends folder and a spam folder? Or just having a spam folder. But together? I do not understand. But I digress. Back to the present.

Right now I’m on a public terrace, under an umbrella and opening the dreaded inbox. Besides some obscure spam messages, I count not one, not two, not three, but 12 messages from complete strangers sharing their full flight itinerary and asking whether I have any New York tips. Yes, maybe try checking my blog or any number of articles I’ve written for Amayzine!?

The initial feelings of mild annoyance quickly make way for some pride. I’m actually very flattered by all these request and feel like a New York guru. Just a little. Even after two years I still sometimes get on the wrong subway (find “live” evidence on snapchat) and google maps remains my BFF. So total guru, maybe not quite yet.

So now you might think” ‘oh here comes another list of places where you should eat and drink and dance‘. Nope. I decided to take my guru-ness to another level. What we are looking at today is New York in terms of how to’s and what not. In short: the do’s and the don’ts in the Big Apple.

Always, always bring ID

I am get flattered in restaurants with every glass of wine I order. An order of Sancerre follows closely with the (music to my ears) question: ‘Can I see your ID please?’. I was previously under the assumption that each time this was asked, I was perceived as being under 21. But unfortunately that was not the case. The age limit is indeed 21, but you need to show ID until 40! So if they think you are under 40 they then formally have to ask for a photo ID. So always bring your driver’s license or something, because otherwise it really is just a Coke and tonic without the gin. And as for clubs, without ID you won’t even be allowed in.

Why the bill is immediately on the table

I still can’t get used to this. The moment you put your fork down BAM: the bill is on the table. Europeans feel quite chased away by this phenomenon. They are renowned for enjoying an evening lingering at the table after a meal, but the bill is a sign that it’s time to shove along. Americans see this differently. It is just service. As far as they are concerned it is up to the customer to determine when the bill is paid and it is thus given to them straight away. Logical? Maybe a little. But I still love having the plates on the table, leisurely order another bottle of wine and continue to nibble and chat, without having the bill staring at me.

By the way, this is how to pay.

I told you before that everything here is paid with either a debit or credit card. And it works like this. You get the bill in a folder. You check it. Then you put your credit card in the same folder. This is taken by the waiter. He takes your card through the payment device and brings you two receipts. One is the ‘merchant’ copy. Here the tip (minimum 18%) is written up, you then sign and the transaction is sealed. I find this to be quite a mathematical feat to calculate the tip as this is something you have to do yourself. The tip is therefore only later written down and this is all entirely based on good faith. Therefore always check your copies and be sure to take that customer copy. You’ll probably never look back on it, but still. Better safe than sorry.

How to deal with the “hi, how are you?”

Wherever you hear “hello” it is followed with a “how are you”. This is purely an extension of the welcome greeting and not an invitation to go into great depths about your current state. But, what do you say? On the West Coast it’s very easy. You simply hand it straight back. So on their ‘Hi, how are you?’ you reply ‘Hi, how are you?’ And that’s the end of it. Here on the East Coast it is slightly different. Here you answer with ‘Good, thank you’ and perhaps even ‘Good, thank you. How are you?’. Nothing more, nothing less.

Do not talk about this with Americans

Americans are very, very sensitive. A little chat about politics? Not done. Talk about religion? Not done. About any personal weaknesses? Not done. Americans find Europeans to be very direct. As a European, I find it difficult sometimes and have had ’the look’ thrown my way a couple of times. You know, those eyes that say: ‘are you seriously asking that?’, while I mean absolutely no harm. I have found a tactic against these glances that nips the awkward moment in the bud. I give a little laugh, put my hand on my heart and say: ‘Oh I’m sorry, that’s so very European of me to ask.’ Often you get a nod, the conversation moves flawlessly to another topic and everything is fine again.

Everything is awesome!

This is a bit of an extension of the previous point. Everything is ‘awesome’ as long as you’re conversing with someone you don’t know so well. Don’t say anything about any possible weaknesses that may be taken personally. Avoid asking questions that go in depth about possible procreation for example. That is quite sensitive and can be not quite so awesome (I speak from experience). Only ask about things that you know are also awesome to them. Break the ice by telling everything about what you think is ‘awesome’ and only then can the opportunity come to go slightly deeper. And that is of course: awesome!

Money minded

Americans and perhaps especially New Yorkers are very money minded. The advantage is that you are not necessarily a hooning muscle head if you have a expensive ride. If you drive a Porsche, then you’ve had a good year. In that respect Americans give you more credit. The disadvantage is that you may encounter New Yorkers who only go on about money and that may just not be where you are coming from. I was at a birthday not long ago and sat next to an American couple. He: expensive watch. She: big Birkin. They both worked in finance. He turned to me, picked up his phone and could not stop talking about all of his cars, the size of his house, the bathroom from Italy and that they just came back from Miami because that Birkin on her arm was sold out in New York. They had seriously flown to Miami for a few hours to buy a bag! All I could do was painstakingly laugh from the wrong side of my mouth.

Smoking is allowed nowhere

Not on terraces, not in bars, squares and not even in the park. Smoking is officially not allowed in any place that can be labeled ‘public’. So watch out if you were thinking of having a quick puff in Central Park. There is a hefty fine that could wait. The club is indeed less strict but still, watch out.

Topless is allowed everywhere

Sounds crazy, but it’s true. As a woman you may walk freely with your girls out. As long as it’s not for money and you can prove that. And just as you thought that America was so prudish. Not so. Long live bare boobies!