dump all those self-help books
this is the honest truth
Years ago I was the deputy editor of Pink Ribbon Magazine (a Dutch foundation for breast cancer awareness). A close colleague of mine who had breast cancer (and has unfortunately passed away from it) offered to write a story for the magazine with a very affirming title: Fuck The Secret.
What Fifty Shades of Grey is today, is what The Secret was back then. Everyone had it, everybody was reading it. Yet it still brought out a bit of frustration in my colleague. “So I have breast cancer because I haven’t been beamed off enough positive thoughts into the universe? So it’s all my own fault? F*uck that.” I concur.
Personally, I’m not a big fan of self-help books. I find them to be a bit too eratic and loony with absolutely no results. At least not for me. But now I happened to come across a book that I do plan on snatching. Another case of a straight-to-the-point title: F*ck Feelings: One Shrink’s Practical Advice for Managing All Life’s Impossible Problems.
This book was written by psychiatrist Michael Bennet and his daughter Sarah Bennett, and as the title already shows, these guys are unequivocal. Here are four of their most important pointers:
F•ck the secret
My old colleague Sandra would have been so happy with this one. This psychiatrist states that it is complete and utter BS to believe that positive thinking is going to bring you great happiness.
embrace your negative side
Quit being mad at yourself when you catch yourself gossiping, being jealous when your friend is head over heels in love or when you’re home alone munching down an entire bar of salted caramel chocolate. Everyone has a ‘dark side’ (to whatever extent these can be labeled as a something dark) and even you aren’t perfect. Accept it, it’ll make your life a whole lot easier.
addiction can be controlled
By all means, this doesn’t mean you should immediately attach yourself to a wine IV and eat fries every day. Try to find a reasonable intake amount; what dose do you find appropriate if you want to live like a ‘decent’ person. The paradoxical, but fun, thing about this is that if you acknowledge what your weakness is, it’ll make you stronger.
I’ll never forget the story about an obese woman (give or take a kilo or 300) and her milkshake addiction. She sought out for help from the psychiatrist that wrote this book and he only gave her one tip. With every milkshake she drank, she had to ask herself whether or not actually enjoyed it. This gave her control over the milkshake rather than the other way around. And from that moment on, she more often then not, threw out her milkshake or only drank half of it. And voilà, she was shedding pounds like crazy.
Nobody said it was easy
Accept that there are people in you surroundings (maybe even your loved ones) that might abandon or betray you. Why? Because in their eyes it might feel like the right thing to do. Everyone has a different background and has different intentions in their lives so you are guaranteed to perceive things differently. Some people continue to let negative things infiltrate their lives and don’t do anything to stop it. Only because it’s just too easy to not take a stand against it. Sometimes you hear crazy stories about mother’s who send their kids off to boarding schools since they don’t get along with their new boyfriends. I think it sounds absurd, but hey, I’m sure they have their reasons for doing it and in their eyes it seems like the perfect solution. To each their own.
