People, There are Facebook rules.
After three weeks of hardly touching Facebook (Rio was a little more exciting than the average update), I am now totally back and back in business. Which has directly lead to a whole lot of irritation. I constantly move between intense hate and a little love for Facebook, am jealous of those who are brave enough to quit but know that I could never live without it, even if only because I wouldn’t be able to spy on people anymore. Considering the fact that more people are suffering this frustration, I went around the office asking people what their pet Facebook hates were. Now I’m going to share them with you, in the hopes that Facebook becomes likeable once more. Here we go.
excessive emotional bs
And at number 1. We feel bad for you that your granny passed away, really. Or that Smokey the Siamese finally kicked the bucket, or that Daisy the Dog ran in front of a car and has now departed for heaven. Seriously, my animal heart is bigger than it should be, but even I am not interested in those posts. Really, people who post eulogies for their animals. Or someone who messed up a funeral speech. I mean, these types of things are intimate and private and besides, are not appropriate for virtual likes or catching karma points. Stop now.
Love quotes sweet enough to rot our teeth
This happens a lot on Instagram (check the account of Dré Hazes Junior, you won’t believe your eyes) but Facebookers are also joining in. Posting pictures of you and your love, with a short vomit worthy epistle underneath, about why he or she is the only true love of your life, and how intensely happy you are and that you are feeling #blessed. Tell each other instead. Send a letter, a WhatsApp or a private message if it has to be on FB, so the rest of us don’t need to be harassed with it.
Bus loads of holiday snaps
The time of posting every sight and sound of every single vacation or weekend away on Facebook is over. We did that in the beginning of Facebook time, when we had not yet learned how to behave with this new personal stage, but now, now I’m going to roll my eyes if you place an entire album of your super duper awesome vacation online. Just stop. A photo or two are fine, but albums are just wrong.
Photos of kids
Super unfair that I get to upload photos of my cat and you are not allowed to post pics of your kids, but The Internet has decided that cats are nicer than kids so deal with it. Nobody likes looking at photos of your spinach smeared toddler. Or your baby in a nappy. No-one!
Liking photos from 5 years ago
People do this a lot, liking things or reacting on ancient posts or photos so they turn up in your newsfeed again. Sometimes it’s fun, especially when it is an embarrassing photo, but mostly it’s just irritating. I don’t want to be confronted with the junk from a million years ago, and if you’re looking for a way to showcase your coolness from way back when, go to Instagram and do a #TBT.
Posting novels as status updates
May has someone in her feed who regularly posts the mail she receives from her daughter who is studying overseas. Seriously, why?! Or people who imagine that they are writing a funny, well written story with a strong punchline. Sadly it is hardly ever strong nor punchy. You can conclude that they are those types who believe they have written a wonderful article and that it should actually be published somewhere. But they’re so wrong. So so wrong.
