HOW TO SAY NO
By nature I’m quite the pleaser. If I like you, I want to make everything to your satisfaction. If you go on holiday to the Jersey shore (a personal hell for me) I’ll try and find something nice to say about it. If you found Kanye’s show for Adidas to be great, well perhaps I could make a little problem of this, but basically I’ll go along with you rather than pushing up against the grain.
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It’s all well and good to be nice, kind and congenial but if you’re not careful, you risk making it all peachy for the rest but forget a pretty important person. That’s right. Yourself. My beloved man has taught me to tell it like it is. The honest truth. As shown in these situations.
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Neighborly donations
I really have a great neighbor. Attractive, intelligent, successful and another mother of three. In all her good-willing kindness, she regularly donates the clothes from her daughters (just a little older than mine). I had just de-mucked the closet of my girls (which we so aptly name Ground Zero because of the chaos) and then there came our dear neighbor with two bags full of clothes. And unfortunately just not fitting the taste of my girls.
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Thus, here we have ourselves a situation. Because I take the bags and I say ‘yes, thanks a bunch’ and now, because this woman lives so close by, these clothes have to be worn. ‘If you do not intervene now, you’re going to have this problem for the next 10 years,’ my man warned so kindly. So off I went. Brutally, but honestly. ‘It’s very, very sweet that you think of us, but I also enjoy buying clothes for my children. Not to mention that the wardrobes are already overflowing and I can’t help but think that there is someone else that could be made even happier with these clothes.’ It was out. I’m not sure that she really appreciated it (since then I’ve received no invites to the neighborly dinners and cocktails) but I’m back in control of my own cabinet, which is worth it.
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Away with unhelpful help
I know women who complain about their help for ten years or more but never dare to fire them. I could have also been such a woman. Until, once again, my love said to me; ‘Get rid of her or never complain again.’ Clear choice. Away with the always-cancels-never-plinth-dusting-sneaking-home-early-throwing-my-beautiful-summer-coat-in-the-dryer-taking-an-hour-to-vacuuming-the-stairs cleaning lady. I can tell you now, that was such a relief. So much so that I’ve done it a few times now. I have now found the sweetest and the hardest working help in the country.
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No more weekend white lies
I work hard so my weekends are sacred and reserved for those closest to me. I had a very nice colleague who always tried to plan 1-on-1 Sunday dates with me. It turned out I saw her more than my own husband. To come up with a new excuse every weekend went a little too far. So I reached for the honesty card and before I knew it, it was on the table. ‘My weekends are for my family. On Monday morning, you’re the first.’ I do believe she understood.
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The holiday-invite rejection
You have a drink together, say what a nice time you always have and before you know it, they are planning a vacation for you. If you don’t handle this situation appropriately, by the following week you’ll be sitting there with the brochures in front of you. I had such a instance with a woman I know who has a few less girlfriends than I do (and no boyfriend) and booked me in for two weeks in Miami. Because limp excuses don’t work with these energetic types, I was forced to pick up the hatchet. Sorry, but I only have three weeks of vacation a year. I think you’re very nice and kind and wonderful but a holiday I think is just too much. Let’s do a weekend.
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sales people have no say
Our editor Liesbeth already wrote about this one. It is quite difficult to repel overenthusiastic sales people. I do not know if it’s my age or the fact that I am willing to spend a lot of money on fashion, but I just say what I think. ‘I already have something like this.’ ‘I think it’s great, but not quite my style.’ ‘It doesn’t do anything for me.’ This is my go to rejection repertoire.
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The clue of my story? Saying no is not always fun and not always easy, but you’re doing someone a big favor. Yes, yourself. And ultimately, also the other.
