What not to do in the Thalys

21:26 … Somewhere just after Antwerp Central. Jet and I are doing an up and down trip to Paris, which was going pretty well until the Thalys lady (who always says THAH-lis instead of Thá-lies) broke our peace with the words: “The train has come to a standstill. Please do not open the doors. Thank you.”

Let me tell you, the irritations from five minutes ago suddenly seem unbearable. The reason for this How To Behave in the Thalys Handbook.

Top of the list at # 1:

Irritating ringtones

Actually all calls are inappropriate since we’re sitting on top of each other and all trying to make the best of it. If you want to call, do it on the balcony. And turn your phone on silent or at least turn the volume down. Thank you.

No. 2.

Strong smelling food

Would be great if the Chinese family who hauled out their two nasi goreng and bami meals this morning were reading this. Actually any food that has a smell is unwanted. And to the man behind us; it is no problem to spray twice with deodorant. Seriously.

 No. 3.

Blowing your nose

A cough, a sneeze, à la. But extensively blowing… Once again I’m going to say it; please join the callers on the balcony. They’re so busy shouting that no-one will notice you.

No. 4.

Snoring

I get it. You’ve had a long day, eaten six oysters with three glasses of wine at the Terminus and would love nothing more than a nap. Fine by me. But can you please keep your mouth closed and you nose under control. Not so hard is it?

No 5.

Loudly eating

This one goes for crackling bags to the crunching of an apple that never seems to end. You could also chew quietly madam on the left. You have all the time in the world.

We’re riding again, Another 52 minutes till we’re home. Oh I’m going to miss this all so much.