What women do when they’re alone

We have Sex & The City to thank for the term ‘Secret Single Behavior.’ AKA “things you do when you’re alone when no one is around, especially not your significant other.” SSB is not charming behavior per se, quite the opposite actually, but as long as you’re by yourself and there is no one around to see you, we happily oblige. Do you live on your own? I bet you’re guilty of doing a few of these…

nude cleaning

A personal favorite of mine: music blasting (preferably anything boy band related) butt naked and cleaning out my entire apartment. Sometimes, for the sake of my neighbors, I’ll put on some underwear but the core idea here is nudity. My best friend knows about this by the way, and since she has a set of keys to my house, she has walked in on me stark naked vacuuming the floor. The trick here is that you have to turn your house into a pigsty (easy as pie when you live on your own) and take an afternoon off and do nothing but clean clean clean. Fully nude.

Dining with dorito’s as an entrée, Ben & Jerry’s as a main course and chocolate chip cookies for dessert

The first few years I lived on my own I was everything but healthy. But even though I am somewhat on my way to acting like an adult, I still have nights where I am fully content living off of Dorito’s for dinner and cookies for dessert.

Afwasmiddel over dingen in de prullenbak gooien

Meanwhile, I’ve met quite a few women who do this so I feel comfortable admitting to it, but I have habit of throwing detergent on top of things I have thrown in the trash. A half eaten box of cookies for example. I do this just in case I get the munchies and I don’t secretly go and fetch them outta the trash and chow ‘em down. I wish I could take credit for this but alas, another lesson learnt from Sex & The City’s Miranda.

using the same towels and bed linen for weeks

I mean, I’m the only one using them right so why the hassle? And because of my chronic single life, these are often covered in cat hairs because of my snuggle buddy Disco (my cat) who can often be found in my bed. And in the case of a last minute evening visitor, I promptly change the sheets and no way in hell will my cat be sharing the bed. Can you imagine?!

let food rot in your fridge

The same friend who occasionally walks in on me butt naked always brings up my “decomposition projects.” Unions that have grown roots, vegetables that have spent way too long in the fridge and packs of yoghurt that have long passed their expiration date.

putting off your cigarette on a napkin/plate/town, pretty much the first thing you can find

Since ashtrays are no where in site and standing up can be oh so tiring. Especially when there’s an empty cup right next to you and that siting your cigarette makes is so appealing. Some people will even throw it into their empty cup which mere seconds before was filled with a green smoothie. “Look at the contrast,” they’ll say.

using tissues or old christmas napkins as toilet paper

Because well, sometimes you’ve just run out of regular toilet paper and all you kind find are those ugly Christmas napkins you bought 10 years ago and never used. I might also be guilty of having “borrowed” some rolls of toilet paper from the office or from a restaurant (I know, I have no shame) when I realized I had forgotten to buy toilet paper at the super market the day before.

playing dress up

Just because. Nothing is more entertaining then mixing and matching your outfits in front of the mirror when you’re bored. And taking photos of all of your looks so you have something to scroll through later on.

spending hours on end in the bathroom

I’m going to finish it off with my favorite: ridiculous long pampering sessions in the bathroom. Accompanied by really loud music (again, any thing boy band related) and an hour long shower. Shaving my legs, using my entire collection of shower gels, using a hair mask and a face mask, applying body lotion, playing with all of Estée Lauder’s newest creams and serums, a pedicure and a manicure. And once I’m completely reborn, crashing on the couch with a glass of wine and Sex & The City.