Fun & Famous

5 EXCUSES THAT IT’S COMPLETELY NORMAL THAT YOU DON’T OWN A SPORTS CAR/BIRKIN BAG/INFINITY POOL/POOL HOUSE

Do you ever have the feeling that everyone around seems to just have everything their hearts desire and buys everything they come across? And when you try to keep up all you see is a decrease in the number on your bank account whereas those around you only seem to increase?

Some have million dollar homes in the wealthiest parts of the cities they live in, drive around in sports cars, own a boat and just bought a house on Ibiza. How do they do it? Don’t worry, I won’t be able to arrange first class flights for you, but I can give you five reasons why you wouldn’t want to live that luxurious lifestyle. Moehaha.

1. This is why you don’t have a Birkin

Hermès, it’s great and all, but it’s so absurdly heavy. I gave it a shot last week, but seriously, even when all you’ve got in it is a wallet (which probably doesn’t consist of anything since you spent all your money on the bag), this bag will give you a hernia. That’s why you don’t own one. Definitely not because it’s way over your budget.

”That’s why you don’t own one. Definitely not because it’s way over your budget”

2. And this is why you don’t have a house on Ibiza

Ibiza, sigh. Ten years ago this place was the place to be. Now it’s kind…well, what should I say. It’s fun to go there every so often. But to own a home there… Kinda tacky. And hey, you know, as much as you want to head aboard in the summer, you don’t want to go to Ibiza. Way too busy, too many drugs, too much of everything. (All lies of course, because I love Ibiza and I’m going there in August. But that’s a secret I’ll never tell.)

3. That sports car, what are you getting yourself into

All it’s going to give you are fines. People aren’t kind to you when you drive around in such a bold car. Nope, not for you.

4. And that boat, you don’t need it anyway

Everything that floats or flies; don’t buy but hire. People who buy boats always have two good days. The day that hey bought it, and the day that they sold it. Having a boat gives you chores. And it’s expensive. It’s a lot smarter to just rent a boat ten times a year with a captain and then hope that it comes with a magnum bottle of champagne.

5. You don’t even have a maid

You’re just very precise and secure and don’t trust anyone to take care of all your precious things.