Travel & Hotspots
7 things you need to know before you go to paris
She reluctantly confessed. Through an e-mail. Face to face would have been too much. Kiki (you know, the new editor on Amayzine.com) has never been to Paris. ‘Seriously never?’ I grumbled back at her. ‘Not even for a school trip back when you were little?’ Nope, nada, jamais. Never.
Look, I may have been 34 the first time I ever went to New York, but Paris! If you live in the Netherlands it’s only a five hour drive away, three hours by train. Come on. Before we could officially crown Kiki as an editor, she had to look us all in the eye and pledge that she would go ASAP for a Paris hazing. Dutiful as she is, she claimed the very first press trip to Paris and today (as we speak) she’s strolling the streets of Paree.
But those Parisians, they’re a rare specimen, so I’m hereby filling Kiki (and you) in on the expressions you should know if you’re hoping to be on the same page as the French.
1. C’est énorme
What they mean to say is that they find something terrible, incredible or repulsive. Where we might go for an OMG, the Parisians go for a c’est énorme.
“Parisians love abbreviations which this is proof of”
2. C’est l’hallu
Comes from the word ‘hallucinating’. Parisians love abbreviations which this is proof of.
3. Putain
Preferably in every sentence, but no, they don’t mean any harm.
4. C’est pas mal
This means that they find something you’ve done extremely good. If they didn’t, they would have said ‘c’est pas trop’. The French (or at least the ones living in Paris) don’t like using overstatements. Doesn’t look smart, it isn’t chic; two things that describe them in a nutshell.
5. Le Luco
Jardin du Luxembourg for the habitué(e)s. If you nonchalantly drop the ‘new et lèves’, you’ll let them know you come there often, or even better, you live in the neighborhood. Which means you’re rich. And powerful. And most likely have an impeccable taste in clothes.
“Just say that it was ‘hyper pointu’. It sounds vague and intelligent.”
6. Paris intra-muros
This means the inner ring of Paris, also known as the only part of the city that really counts. Everything outside of the ring is considered an outcast and pitiful. In New York they call them the B’s and T’s (bridge and tunnel people, aka everyone who needs to make a detour to reach the city so they can easily be excluded). Anyway, nothing you can do about it, just make sure that if you’re in the city, you sleep somewhere in the intra-muros.
7. C’est hyper pointu
If someone asks you a question (for example your opinion about a certain movie) and you don’t really know what you thought about it or perhaps you didn’t even see it, then just say that it was ‘hyper pointu’. It sounds vague and intelligent. Just how the Parisians like it.
Oh Kiki, here are a couple of other tips:
1. Don’t freak out when you have to pay four euros for a cup of coffee.
2. Insult the waiter before he insults you.
3. Leave your flashy clothes and bags with bold logo’s on them at home.
4. Don’t mensuren someones succes by their car (in Paris even the wealthiest business man will drive in a tiny dented car).
5. Parisians greet people with two kisses. More than two is for people in the suburbs.
6. Want to be hip? Don’t order a gin-tonic. Go for an Aperol Spritz.
7. You’re allowed to smoke. It’s considered chic in Paris.
8. You share your desserts. And be aware of the wine. I’ve never seen a drunk Parisienne.
