Sexy Friday

21 THINGS THAT GO THROUGH YOUR HEAD WHEN HE GOES DOWN UNDER

“Yes I’m coming, I’m coming, I’M COMING! Fuck, false alarm…”

Okay, I’m just going to head straight to the point today. You’re lover, your fuck buddy or your one night stand decides to go down under for a one way ticket to heaven, and when it happens, there are quite a number of absurd things that go through your head. Hence the reason: 21 things that women think of while a guy is playing tongue twister down below.

1. “Oh good lord, I didn’t shower, does it even smell alright down there? Help!”
2. “Am I going to ruin the moment if I tell him I quickly want to hop in the shower? I am, aren’t I?”
3. “Okay, mister Horny clearly doesn’t give a shit. Oh god, that tickles.”
4. “Besides the new shoes, this is exactly what I needed today.”
5. “Thank god, he loves doing this.”
6. “I really don’t mind if this lasts a couple of hours…”
7. ”I mean, not literally. Whydafuck is it taking so long before I come?”
8. “If I say ‘keep going’ what I mean is that he needs to keep doing what he’s doing right NOW. Not that he can go and start being way more aggressive.”
9. “Is his jaw going to start cramping?”
10. “Oh yes, I’m coming, I’m coming, I”M COMING! Fuck, false alarm… Oh no, I hope he’s not tired.”
11. “Oh dear, what if I farted. Right in his face. Whatever you do: don’t fart. Don’t fart. DON’T FART.”
12. “JUST DO WHAT I ALREADY EXPLAINED TO YOU 8.569 TIMES $%^&@*. And clean up your room, jeeez.
13. “Maybe I should just fake it…”
14. ”But that’s going to make neither of us happy. Jesus, focus. FOCUS!”
15. ”Maybe he’ll speed up the motion if I start moaning more…”
16. “Okay, okay, now we’re talking. I can feel it starting to brew.”
17. “DON’T YOU DARE STOP FRIEND.”
18. “OKAY, I’M EXPLODING.”
19. “And oh please, ignore my orgasm face.”
20. “Pfff that was the best. Okay, I’m hungry. What should I go and eat?”
21. “Oh shit: I just rolled right not top of that moist spot on my covers. Damn it.”

And while we’re at it: 7 ways to come harder, better, faster and stronger. Happy Friday guys.