9 sex things men need to know

This week, Esquire published the results of a study showing that women prefer sex to be a bit rougher. Now that we're at it, and because Friday is sexy Friday for us, let's indulge in some sex tips. Are we all awake, gentlemen?

The clitoris is not a stain that needs to be scrubbed out of the carpet.

Orgasm is not a must.

The garden can be a bit tidied up. Completely smooth is another extreme, but let's say a two-day stubble.

Take your time. Don't shout “are you coming yet? Are you coming yet?” after a minute. We are not a Nespresso machine that produces the best cappuccino at the push of a button.

Foreplay may be a somewhat overused word, but kissing our legs for two minutes or massaging our feet will pay off in a pot of steaming sex later.

Socks should be the first to come off. Nothing, absolutely nothing is less attractive than a naked man in socks.

We tell everything the next morning, or probably as soon as you close your eyes post-coital, to our girlfriends. Don't kid yourself, we won't laugh at you (well, maybe at that weird giggle when you orgasm), it's about female bonding, interpreting the situation, and insight into our lives.

Don't keep asking if we like it. You'll notice, if you have to keep asking, you might want to ask yourself something, or are we being too cryptic.

A clean, or at least made bed does a lot. A cup of tea and a bowl of fruit in bed the next morning too, by the way. No eggs with bacon for us, you need to supplement your proteins now, we have a killer body to think about.