A B Cannes

In exactly one week (always the third week of May), it will sparkle and crackle along the boulevard of Cannes, better known as La Croisette. To get into the mood and for the necessary sense of familiarity, a good old-fashioned ABC.

When you say Cannes and Film Festival, you immediately think of all those ambassadors of l’Oréal, the main sponsor of the event for years. Doutzen Kroes, Eva Longoria, Mila Jovovich, Jane Fonda, they all wave as they walk the red carpet. Sylvie will be watching the spectacle from the sofa this year. L’Oréal ended their collaboration due to the turbulence affecting Sylvie’s private life.

It all happens over an area of about a stretched kilometer. That’s what makes it so fun. The thought that the biggest stars in the world are within touching distance.

The place where the stars reside and the paparazzi post. Can you call it the fanciest and most famous hotel in Cannes? Yes, you can.

Nothing human is foreign to Cannes. Step out of the limousine and you’ll find the red carpet on your right and a caravan with Nutella crêpes on your left, with a carousel behind it.

Had enough of your hotel garden or the private beach pier? Then hop on a speedboat and let yourself be transported to Eden Roc. A restaurant you reach via the water (by helicopter is also possible) where you see Provence-thin ladies sliding crudités (sans vinaigrette naturellement) back and forth over their plates while spooning Voss water into their chihuahuas’ little mouths from their Vuitton bags.

Hordes stand along the length of the carpet. It seems like a church choir is sounding as they collectively shout the name of a passing star. Penelope! Nicole! Sophia! Don’t let them drive you crazy if they snap your picture as if you were a superstar. A cheap trick to get your money out of your pocket and lure you to their photography shop the next day to pay for and obtain your own photo. Not chic.

Especially known among the staff of film companies and the dads of the stars who hang out there until the sun comes up. The Americans on site refer to it as The Grand, then you know where to be.

The plebs travel by easyJet and then take a taxi. Real stars take the helicopter. Fast and incognito.

The official name of the festival.

It changes every year. This year it consists of a mixed group with Sofia Coppola and Willem Dafoe (Wild at Heart, The English Patient) being the most famous.

The film Grace Kelly, which is the opening film of the 67th^st edition of the Cannes Film Festival. The title role is played by… you guessed it, Nicole Kidman. Kidman, who is practically part of the festival furniture.

A boulevard is not just called a boulevard in Cannes. It goes by the name Croisette. La Croisette.

This is where the film companies are based. The hotel has many small cinema rooms that rent from Tristars, Columbia, Warner, and Universal, where fresh films are shown to clients. Moreover, this hotel is the closest to the Palais de Festival, just cross the street and you’re there. Even for a distance of thirty meters, you still take a limo. It’s all about the right appearance.

So many stars within a few hundred meters calls for extreme security. Without the right invitation or pass, you can’t shake it there in Cannes. No, no, no is the word. Tip. Book a room early at the Martinez or the Majestic (pronounced ma-sjes-tiekuh) and your room key is your key to the stars.

For years the main sponsor of the event. With all pleasure because the most beautiful actresses are their ambassadors. A better match could not exist.

These two compete for the honor. Everything happens in the Palais des Festival, but ultimately it’s about the Palm. That must go home to the mantelpiece. Or on the nightstand, that’s fine too.

Quentin Tarantino closing the festival with a tribute to the famous spaghetti western director (good Scrabble word) Sergio Leone. Think Once Upon a Time in the West, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, and A Fistful of Dollars.

In Cannes, they are the longest and most impressive. When you walk over it, it feels like you’re floating. The shouting of photographers is drowned out by classical music that gives the whole thing an otherworldly feeling.

You wouldn’t do it for less. Then you might as well have stayed home, right?

Not everything is chic and elevated. There’s a lot of festival gear. Think mugs, lighters, and other misery. Just look the other way and bet that you’ll suddenly see Jude Law.

The uniform has its own interpretation in Cannes. Azzedine Alaïa, Raf Simons for Dior, CHANEL couture, Elie Saab, and jewelry from Cartier, for example.

You’ll find that out there.

Paparazzi could have learned to speak Russian and Mandarin if they had spent their waiting time wisely. Hours and hours and hours posting outside the hotels, waiting next to the carpets for that one perfect shot.

Anyone who lacks it is not welcome. Sorry.

That’s where the real deals are made. Where film moguls, bloated from lunch, barefoot and with a glass in hand, seal the next monster project.

It always shines in Cannes. Almost.