Compliments that are secretly insults

Sometimes someone gives you a compliment that upon closer inspection isn't really that nice at all. I always have a hard time when people cheerfully say to me “wow, have you lost weight?” WHY did you think I was fat before??? “No no,” that person then stutters, “you’re just, uh, even slimmer. Yes, that’s it.” But by then the damage is done. And there are more of those kinds of comments. So if you receive one of the ‘compliments’ below, feel free to bitch slap whoever is giving them.

Compliment: “I think it’s so cool that you never care how you look.”

Meaning: “You just don’t give a damn that you look terrible and ridiculous.”

Compliment: “You’re so handsome when you smile.”

Meaning: “You have such a terrible face when you don’t smile.”

Compliment: “You look amazing today.”

Meaning: “All other days of the week it’s not worth seeing.”

Compliment: “You have your hair styled? Wow, that looks really good on you!”

Meaning: “I always thought those curls of yours were a strange sight.”

Compliment: “You’re really a completely different person with makeup on!”

Meaning: “You’re finally a decent person with makeup on.”

Compliment: “You look so feminine now that you’re suddenly wearing a dress.”

Meaning: “Normally you always look like a construction worker meets Neanderthal.”

Compliment: “You always know how to dress perfectly for your body.”

Meaning: “It’s a miracle that you can still wrap that body of yours decently.”

Compliment: “For a woman, you’re damn handy.”

Meaning: “Women usually can’t do anything.”

Compliment: “You look so good for your age.”

Meaning: “Given your age, you’re practically standing with one foot in the grave.”

Compliment: “Not meant to be rude…”

Meaning: Everything that comes after that sentence is indeed meant to be rude and is by definition an insult.