DESIGNERS FOR DUMMIES

Admittedly, I also had to figure out how to pronounce Proenza Schouler and by now we all know that Versace doesn't sound like ‘Versees’. Still, it's handy to have a nice cheat sheet in the it-bag with how to pronounce it all correctly with New York, London, Milan, and Paris on the way.

The A is for Armani.
According to good Italian usage, the stress is almost always on the second to last syllable. So it's Ar-má-ni.

And dear people, as for the A, Acne is also a good example. Pronounce it as Ac-nuh and never as Ac-né. That's what you have on your face when things aren't going well. Acne hangs in your closet.

The B is for Bottega Veneta.
See above. So it sounds like Bot-té-ga Ve-né-ta.

The C is for….Chanel
And you don't pronounce it as Tjennel like my best friend's Indian aunt.
Carven, pronounce it Car-vén and not Cárvun.

D is for Dior.
Pronounce it Dioggg. And Dior Homme sounds like Diogg Omme (so without H).

E is for Etro.
Italian is so simple. Here too, the focus is on the penultimate syllable. If there are only two, emphasize the first. So it's É-tro, not È-tro or E-tró or whatever.

F is for Fendi.
What a blessing. There are almost no High Fashion brands starting with an F. Fendi is actually the only sounding name in this box. And by now you're almost Italian and suddenly a sounding Fén-di comes out of your fashion mouth.

G stands for Gucci.
And that's Goetsjie not Gukkie or Kutsji or whatever everyone brews from it.
The G is also for Gareth Pugh (and you pronounce it as Ge-retf Pjoeh)

H is of course for Hermès.
My French boss Agnès at Marie Claire always shriveled in misery when someone said Her-mè. It's Èr-mess. Without H and with a long resonating s.

I for Isabel Marant (so not Isabelle and not MaranT but Iesabel Maran) and Issey Miyake. Issie Mi-ja-kie. Easy, that I-chapter.

J is for Junya Watanabe.
Just stay calm and follow the letters. Jun-ja Wa-tá-ná-bé.

No, the K is not for Kenzo. That would be way too easy. The K is for Kinder Aggungi. Kinder is Kinder, you can do that. A-djoen-dji. And then the stress on the penultimate syllable.

The L is for Lanvin (Lan-Veinh), Loewe (Lowebbe, that's how you say it), Louis Vuitton (Louis Víe-ttohn) and Louise Beccara (double c is hard so Louise Bekkara). Well, you've got that one in the pocket again.

The M is for Mary Katrantzou (Merie Katrantzoe, actually very simple) and for Marchesa (a h behind a c gives a hard sound so it's Mar-ké-sa) and Manish Arora (Ilse Delange is a fan of him, but that's beside the point. His name sounds like Manisj Arora, Moschino (it's Mos-ki-no people. Never say Mo-sjie-no again, promise you that), and Miu Miu is simply pronounced as Mijoe Mijoe. Phew.

Do you still have energy for the N?
Naeem Kahn = Na-iem Kaan

Nina Ricci = Nie-na Rie-tsjie

Nozomi Ishiguro Tambourine I also found not easy. I would bet on No-zó-mi Ies-jie-gú-ro Tam-boe-rrrien. But maybe better to mumble this label purely mumbling and enormously incrowd feigning.

O is for Olympia Le Tan where you don't pronounce the last n.
Also, the O is for Opening Ceremony. Of course, you know how to pronounce this. And you really know that this is a label and not the opening session with which a fashion week begins. It's not the Olympic Games, for heaven's sake.

The P is for Proenza Schouler.
Only when I saw the documentary about the designers and heard them pronounce it themselves, could I confidently name the name and then, enormously self-satisfied I admit, correct every other pronunciationwise with a tap on the fingers. You're going to do that from now on too.
It's Pro-Enza Skoeler.

There is no brand to be found that shows at the aforementioned fashion weeks that starts with a Q. Are they banned?

R is for Rachel Zoe and that's not Rachel Zo-é but Reetsjel Zooh. You're going to score points with that, really. And the R is also for Roksanda Ilncic and I would guess on Ie-lin-tjietsj.

The S is for Sonia Rykiel which sounds like So-nie-ja Ry-Kjiel and for Steven Alan (Stie-vun Él-len)

The T is Thakoon (pronounce it Tha-Khoeoen, his sublabel Thakoon Addition sounds like Tha-Khoeoen Add-i-tjion) and for Temperley London (Tem-per-lie Lon-don) and for Threeasfour (sounds like Three as Four) and for Tia Cibani (Tie-ja Tsjie-ba-nie) and Tsumori Chisato also belongs to this family, Tsoe-mo-rie Kie-sa-to is the name. The T-zone, it remains a hassle.

The U is for Undercover and that's an easy one.

The V is for Vera Wang (sounds like Weng) and for Veronique Branquinho (Ve-ro-niek Bran-Kie-No) and for Versace but you already know that.

The W is for We Are Handsome and for Wood Wood, so that's a piece of cake.