ANNOYING FRIEND?
Dump that business!
It may sound very strange to say, but I’m quite proud that I’ve distanced myself from a few friends along the way. Of course, it’s much nicer to say that you’ve known all your friends since kindergarten, developed an intensely deep-rooted friendship, and will never leave each other out in the cold.
But roses wilt, ships sink, and many friendships don’t last either. No one said it would be fun. Yes, maybe occasionally, but sometimes not. Take a deep breath, brace yourself, and end that relationship. I’ll tell you who you need to diss and how to do it.
The traitor
A friend of mine had a friend who spilled a Big Secret to the guy she had a crush on. Do you get it? Okay. Friend a. had sex for the very first time in her life with a guy who initially seemed great but turned out to be a big jerk. She didn’t want to give him the triumph of this news, so she decided not to tell him that this was her first time having sex ever. Half a year later, something slipped out of friend b.‘s mouth. To the guy in question.
“If you’ve shown how you are when it really matters (namely; bad), I can’t just drink superficial cocktails with you,” said friend a and she pushed friend b outside. Classy move.
The glass-is-always-almost-empty friend
It starts with you thinking, “Oh, she’s just not having a good time in life” and ends with: “Get your act together.” I had a friend who had a boyfriend who didn’t want kids. He had always been clear about that, but suddenly it became a problem for her. To fill the child-gap, she decided to retrain as a kindergarten teacher. Everyone was happy. For a while. She still wanted to give birth. Left her man, found new love, and got pregnant super fast. You’d think she’d be completely happy. Nope. She didn’t like the job anymore because now she was always around kids. Pffffff…
How to act?
Typical case of letting it bleed out. Telling this type of person straight in her face completely throws them off. And she still won’t understand it. Just be busy, postpone appointments, and get out of the system. A bit cowardly maybe, but hey, these are takers, not givers.
The intriguer
This type operates best in groups of friends. She is close with everyone, and if you pay attention, gossiping about others is what binds you. She acts with care. Starts gossip with: “I hate to say it…”, “I’m only telling you because I know I can trust you…” or with the classic “It’s not my place to judge others, but…” and then something juicy follows. You think you’re the chosen one until you find out she’s gossiping about YOU to the other friends.
How to act
Hit hard. When she comes with a story, say you find it funny because you understood she told exactly the same thing about you. Be warned, these are sly ladies who will deny everything and instantly have a few explanations ready. Don’t fall for it. Say you don’t find it a pleasant position that you keep discussing the other friends. Then don’t meet one-on-one with this lady anymore, and you’ll see she’ll back off. On to another victim. And next time, don’t be so naïve, okay?
The I-want-everything-you-have friend
From the neighborhood you live in, that wooden crate with juice holder on your bike, your Isabel Marant wedges (which she actually thought were really stupid) to the second hole in your ear. Everything you do, she does. And sometimes just a little better, more expensive, bigger, making you look shabby in comparison.
How to act?
Wrap her up and roll her out. Say you think those (awful) Birkenstocks from Isabel Marant for the spring/summer collection are absolutely amazing and gently add that you’re going to order them very soon because they’re always sold out. Bet she’ll rush to Netaporter immediately? Then you’ll suggest that the white leggings are coming back in style and that she can totally rock them and that new research has shown that you lose weight from cheese fondue. That’ll teach her.
