ICONOCLASM

Aaah the Oscars, no one has missed it. Let me start by saying that it is of course a shame that Leonardo did not win an Oscar. But really a sháme. The evening started just like the Golden Globes quite spectacular: with rain. And rain + hairstyles + makeup + very expensive dresses = always good for the schadenfreude. Then, that 12 years a slave we all know the award for Best Film was won, Lupita was Best Supporting Actress and Gravity won almost all the other awards. But just like with the Golden Globes, I secretly care mostly about what the ladies are wearing (the gentlemen not so much, smoking schmoking they all look pretty much the same) so I’m handing out my own awards again. Here they come.

Award for the ‘The-Expectations-Were-High-And-You-Lived-Up-To-Them’-dress

Without a doubt for Lupita Nyong’o. During the Golden Globes in January, I had never heard of her and now, a little less than two months later, she is absolutely the talk of the town and everyone knows her. She has consistently appeared in eye-catching creations over the past months and that was again the case. In a light blue princess-worthy creation by Prada (sister brand of Miu Miu for which she is the face), she appeared on the red carpet and gave many goosebumps. I am mega curious about who her stylist is and maybe this woman can also take a look at Liza Minnelli because there were some issues there.

Award for the ‘No-No-No-No-No’-dress

That one goes to Liza Minnelli. And actually, it’s not a dress but a suit and actually it’s not even a suit but a kind of bag with wrinkles. Really, I don’t understand this at all. So you are the Queen of all gays and then you look like this. She also didn’t wear a bra and that is of course super feminist and just doing what you feel like but hello you are at the Oscars and your friends are almost on the floor. So, no no no no no no.

Award for the ‘My-God-Where-Have-You-Been-All-This-Time?!’-dress

And there was Harrison Ford, quite disheveled and grayer than ever at 71 years old. His wife Calista Flockhart (who has long since stopped doing television but will forever be in our memory as the super charming and neurotic Ally McBeal) is 50 years old but hallelujah she looked great. She wore a white dress by Andrew Gn with beautiful embroidery and all sorts of little details but especially with a fit to die for. Now Calista also has a line to die for so all in all Calista, please come back on the red carpet soon because this leaves us wanting more.

The evening started spectacularly: with rain + hairstyles + makeup + very expensive dresses = always good for the schadenfreude

Award for the ‘Best-A-Risk-But-Very-Successful-Result’-dress

The dress that Camilla Alves wore had everything in it to become a total disaster. A lot of fabric, long sleeves, and a pretty complicated fit. But Camilla is averse to failure and was perhaps my favorite of the evening. With a gaze into infinity and an Oscar-nominated and winning man by her side, she was the star of the evening.

Award for the ‘No-Work-For-100-Years-But-Still-A-Beautiful-Dress’-dress

Jennifer Garner is mainly busy raising the children she has with Ben Affleck and we haven’t seen her on the big screen in ages. In fact, the corridors are whispering the loudest that Ben doesn’t want his love to attempt a feature film again because that would disturb the peace in the family. Be that as it may, Jennifer was there yesterday and even got to present a statuette and did so in a stunning dress by Oscar de la Renta that looked like it had walked straight out of the 1920s.

Award for the ‘I-Can’t-Stop-Looking-At-It’-dress

Kate Hudson is one of those women who hardly makes an impression with her daily outfits but as soon as she walks a red carpet, she suddenly pulls out all the stops. So again now, I have looked at dozens of photos of her because wow wow what. is. she. beautiful. An example from Atelier Versace, drapery at the front and back, a bare back, deep neckline and all this in silver silk with hundreds of beads that have been hand-placed. Kate gets 10 champagne glasses.

Look, the beautiful dresses were plentiful and I would love to discuss them all. But between dream and deed stand laws in the way and practical objections, as a great poet once wrote, so I will leave it at that. Anyone who wants more (duh) can click here and indulge in over 150 photos of dresses & suits. Enjoy!