lying in the store
Over the years I have countless hours spent in fitting rooms, in front of mirrors, and in stores. That has given me quite a few insights (You Shall Never Try On Bikinis at Home) and taught me life lessons (When in Doubt, Don't Do It). But it has also taught me an incredible amount of excuses and lies. Because how it is possible, I don't know, but I never dare to tell the store staff what I really think about something. “Yes no, I'll come back later to take another look” is the basic line, but there are many more excuses.
To begin with, I always get very confused when I walk out of a fitting room and the sales lady asks, “Did it work out?” What is one supposed to answer to that?! Yes, I turned out to be physically able, but it didn't fit, so no, it didn't work out, and it didn't suit me, or well this one did but that one didn't, but I think it's very pretty, but it's not really my style, so I'm still thinking about it aaaargghhh – total short circuit. No, but seriously, what am I supposed to say in response?!
Then, in stores where the personal attention is a bit greater, the lies are too. I have often twisted myself into all sorts of shapes when I was trying something on for a long time under the watchful eye of sales assistant 1 and then ultimately decided not to buy the dress. But call me a loser or a coward, I just can't bring myself to say that. Sales assistant 1 has thoroughly handled and praised the dress, and oh it looks so beautiful on me, and hi there's sales assistant 2 and yes, oh ma'am, it looks absolutely stunning on you. When I then say that I don't find it pretty at all and that I look quite fat and ugly in it, I indirectly offend both ladies 1 and 2, and then I don't want to? I then say something about wanting to try it on with different shoes/underwear/clutch/hairdo and try to quickly walk out of the store and yes, I will really come back.
What also always helps is to say that you would like to come back with a friend. For mental support. If you have a somewhat friendly salesperson to contend with, they (they're often pretty friendly gay) might try to act as your BFF, but don't fall for it! Stay strong!
Look, they have to make their sales and meet targets, and I am a coward who doesn't dare to criticize the clothes, so that's already a hopeless situation from the start. Moreover, I am convinced that they usually realize that I will never come back, so I am acting and making an effort for nothing. Are there people reading this who work in a store and immediately see through types like me? If so, tell me, how on earth do I get over this?
