Amayzine

Dating for Dummies

MEN, THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE

The first date. It's exciting. And danger lurks. For you but certainly also for him. Years of field research and surveys among my Facebook friends led to this list of Things You Should Not Do During a Date. Guys, I would say. Print it out and memorize it. You will thank me.

  1. The phone should be out of reach during a date and must not be on the table. Now I must admit it seems like I’m in a relationship with my phone, but I neatly put it in my pocket at such moments. The 'I’ve-already-kissed' messages I quickly send in the bathroom.
  2. Never talk about your ex. It’s in the past, we have nothing to gain from it, and it’s especially incredibly annoying. Hello, I’m right here in front of you?
  3. Eat neatly, here, read this too about what you should best order.
  4. Please do not comment on what I order. If I feel like fish with the sauce on the side and salad instead of fries. Then I want that, so I’ll order that. Just so you know.
  5. Do not order soda. You’re not going to order cola or orange soda at the beginning of rumbling romance. And no mint tea. HELLO!
  6. While I’m at it. Also, do not drink sweet women’s liqueur. Real men drink grappa or cognac.
  7. Do not give a tip. Men, always give a tip. And don’t ask us for some change.
  8. Arriving in flip-flops.
  9. At the end of a date at your place, asking if I can take the trash bag outside (this really happened, not to me, but to a Facebook friend).

You might almost think I can only come up with downsides, but that’s not the case.

Follow the next points and you’ll have me, and most of my friends, wrapped around your finger.

  1. Order wine. Take the lead. ‘Shall I fill the table with some snacks?’ or ‘Shall we start with oysters?’ Something like that.
  2. Pay for first dates. Even better if it goes unnoticed. So when you go to the bathroom, swipe your credit card through the slot.
  3. If you talk nicely about your mother, you must be a nice guy.
  4. Be nice to the staff, but not too much, especially not to that handsome, blonde waitress.
  5. It’s nice if you send us a ‘it was fun’ text pretty quickly. Text, not WhatsApp.

And if I’m really madly in love with you, I don’t mind at all if you arrive in flip-flops or drink sambuca. See? We women are not that complicated. I totally don’t understand where that image comes from.