to get that guy out of your house

Okay, you had a wildly crazy night and brought home a damn fine gentleman (at least in the dark). But now it's the next morning and you don't know how quickly you need to get him out the door. With a bit of luck, he thinks the same way, but you might just have one who thinks it's nice to stay for breakfast. What to do? Another option is that you decide to have a 'midnight cup of tea' at your place but then you suddenly change your mind. Get rid of him. But: how do you approach that? Well, like this.

Something terrible has happened

Ah, the classic, but still very effective. You have received a WhatsApp and now you need to leave immediately, yes indeed, it's really unfortunate. The downside of this strategy is that he knows it's bullshit, but who cares, a nitpicker would notice because you got him out of your house.

You need to exercise

“Totally forgot, but I have a morning boxing class.” Pop a paracetamol and say that you've actually overslept so you need to leave now now now. I've done this before and then he mumbled something about “cycling together because your boxing school is close to my house, right?” so that went a bit less smoothly than intended. There I was with my hungover head in my sports outfit with boxing gloves aimlessly cycling to my boxing school which is completely CLOSED on Saturdays. It was awkward. I turned around as quickly as I could and went back to my nest. I've never seen him again.

My parents are coming for breakfast today

Really, tell him that your parents will be at the door in half an hour and you should see how fast he runs out of your house. A tidy space is a nice space.

The cleaner is coming soon

For situations where you can't use your parents as an excuse for whatever reason (because you told him the night before that they are on vacation for a month, for example, or because they live in Sydney). No one wants to be around when the cleaner comes, and neither does he.

You're not over your ex

For when that midnight cup of tea doesn't feel so good after all. Mumble something about feeling really silly but that you think it's a better idea for him to go home because you're not over your ex yet and this all doesn't feel right.

Declare your love to him

As soon as you wake up, curl up lovingly against him, look deep into his eyes and ask: “When shall we let our parents meet?” Continue to ramble about your first Instagram selfie, Facebook relationship status and how you think his last name fits so well with yours. Bet that within ten seconds there will be a man-shaped hole in your bedroom door? Mission completed.