Help, I'm pregnant!

So your friends like it too

No, I'm not talking about myself. But I did manage to catch you nicely. It's about an email I received from a very nice Amayzine reader. 28 and the first of her group of friends pregnant. She asked me how to get through the pregnancy a bit coolly without her friends thinking she's a total ditz.

We are pregnant = forbidden

Number one; don't say that ‘we’ are pregnant. And your boyfriend should never say it out loud either. You are pregnant, he has planted his seed, that's it.

Don't talk in weeks

Of course you know exactly how long you've been pregnant, but that whole week-counting thing is something someone who hasn't been pregnant doesn't understand. And they don't care, I can tell you. Just say; ‘about three months’, or ‘I'm going on leave in two weeks’, those are things your friends understand.

Don't talk about your pregnancy unless asked

You have the odds against you as the first pregnant one in a group of friends. Every word you say about it quickly places you on the ‘she-doesn't-belong-with-us-anymore bench’. If they ask about it, you may say something. Otherwise, don't.

Only complain if it's funny

Complaining is almost never a good idea, unless self-deprecation wins. A friend of mine once stood behind a tree in a fancy shopping street throwing up, and a colleague had a bit too much just before the Chanel show. Behind the Grand Palais she was really sick but then, with a mint in her mouth, just crawled into the front row and acted like nothing had happened. Those are fun stories. They can be shared. If they ask about them, okay?

Ban on ‘mama’

If you start talking about yourself as ‘mama’, you must go to the penalty box. And write lines. You are only a mama for one person and that is for your child. Basta.

No baby shower

Unless your friends really enjoy doing this for you. Otherwise, you are not going to force them to do it. Really not. A dear one of mine recently went to a baby shower with lead in her shoes. She thought it was quite something that she had to leave Amsterdam and sit in the car for an hour towards Groningen When she ordered a red Spa upon entering, all the eyes of the present ladies sparkled. ‘Pregnant???’, they exclaimed in a joyful chorus. “No, by car...”.

Also a lesson; don't try to impose on others that they also have to ‘get on the baby’. Everyone chooses their moment for that.

After the birth

The same applies here; talk if they ask. And not for too long. I once went to visit a baby after I had broken up with my partner the night before. Crying, I stood visiting my friend S. “First wine,” she said. “But Skip, I have to see her first?” I replied through my tears. “She'll be around for a while, you go first.” Then you are really the best friend that exists.

Furthermore, I know that you really find it amazing and big news when your baby has pooped, burped, or can turn over, but really, your friends can perfectly live without this information. Be honest. Would you have found it really interesting information if you were them?

Go for it. The goal is to become a cool young woman with children. Not a mom. Understood? Understood. And you just share all your baby stories with your mother and with other women who do understand you.

If you have a question that you would like answered by Liesbeth, Jet, Coco, Josselin, or me, just email us at info@amayzine.com. If we have a nice answer, we will give it to you.