MAY'S GREATEST FASHION BLUNDERS

Few things are less palatable than stories where fashion went wrong. There are the clothing classics of the excellent piece of toilet paper from your pantyhose or the fluttery skirt that ended up in the tights instead of over them at the back.

I will never forget the story of a colleague who chose a beautiful floor-length skirt for her first date (if you want to read about a disastrous date of Jet, by the way, you should here click here) and their table was, god bless, right across from the restrooms and her object of desire was looking in the direction of the toilets. After course two, she had to take a little pee (which is actually a particularly bad idea, read here but why), her makeup, everything was still perfectly in order. But when she walked back to the table (where the date in question was already waiting for her with a hungry look), other restaurant patrons looked at her with an uncomfortable glance and tried to discreetly point out ‘something’ that was dangling from her skirt. That was the Glorix toilet block...

Those kinds of things.

These are random occurrences. But there are also embarrassing situations where fashion is the cause. I’ll just mention them

1. The flared

My dear colleague Cara Schiffelers was once out of commission for months because she got stuck with her foot in her flared jeans during her internship at Yoshji Yamamoto in Paris. And my fashion director at Marie Claire, Simone Dernee, fell down her stairs with child and all for the same reason. I also once met a woman who had memory loss because she got stuck with her foot in her wide leg while exiting the tram and ended up with her head on the tram tracks. I'm telling you, those flared; life-threatening.

2. The long piece

That's what my beloved always calls the kimonos from Isabel Marant that I buy every season again. “Another piece with Peruvian print?” This year it was one that stops just above the butt at the back and touches the floor at the front. It’s so long that I recently wondered what was dangling from my kimono.

It turned out to be my little daughter's diaper...

3. The extremely high heel

And especially the extremely high heel in combination with the disaster escalator at Schiphol. I experience it every time. I feel ‘very Parisian’ when I arrive back in Amsterdam after a trip on the Thalys after a fashion week. Usually, there’s already a chauffeur waiting for me, another luxury, and I know that the wine is cold at home. But then comes the moment of total humiliation. The escalator. From the Thalys platform upwards, there is a disaster escalator. So no steps and with a sloping surface. Try standing on that with your heels, and you’ll tumble backwards.

Last week I stood ‘en profile’ on the escalator to create a slightly less sloping surface with my heel, but I had to hold on to the railing (which of course also moves) bent forward to prevent myself from bouncing down hard. Too bad, very unfortunate...