Men are not attracted to funny women,
but women are attracted to funny men
Yes, that was one of the most striking things I had read in a long time. In short: American research shows that men do not find it important for their wife to be funny, while women actually want a funny man. And I found that strange because if I hear anything from my male friends, it is that they want a woman with humor.
But what I hear even more from those same men is that women are not funny and have no humor. Not at all. So a woman who is a bit nice to look at but can also hold a conversation and make a joke: they are unique and scarce. When a man told me this, I immediately went on the defensive because HELLO I really only have very funny girlfriends so pftss what are you actually talking about. “Yes, and this is exactly why we men usually do not share this theory with you women,” he said then. Okay, 1-0.
HELLO I really only have very funny girlfriends so pftss what are you actually talking about.
But first, a bit more about that American research. Or actually, there are studies, because many studies have been done on the relationship between humor on one hand and attractiveness on the other. To begin with, there is a strong correlation between humor and intelligence. Whoever is funny must also be smart, and whoever is smart can be very funny. Someone who learns a thousand jokes by heart does not necessarily have a sense of humor; humor is much subtler than that, and to make a good spontaneous joke, you need to be able to assess the social situation, your audience, timing, everything perfectly at once. Smart people are better able to do that, and will therefore also be funnier more often.
Then, from an evolutionary perspective, intelligence is important for women because “it reflects an ability to succeed in the workplace and obtain enough resources (money, basically) to support a family.” Women need a man who takes care of them and their family, so intelligence is important. Humor is then an indication of intelligence, so voila, there you have the reason why women find it important to catch a funny guy.
“it reflects an ability to succeed in the workplace and obtain enough resources (money, basically) to support a family.”
But now turn the story around. Men do not have that necessity and therefore attach less value to humor as an indication of intelligence. Men need humor to impress women, but the other way around is not the case. And that is where the whole story of “women are not funny” comes from. If a woman turns out to be funny, then that is a nice addition, but not a hard requirement. Moreover, an intelligent woman can also be intimidating for the man because he is then not simply ‘the boss’ and that crazy woman might suddenly have her own opinion, so that is why those men in the study say they do not want a funny woman.
But it still surprises me that all the men I speak to always say they want a funny woman. The studies I mentioned are based on various methods of research, but a large part was done based on thousands of online dating profiles. For Glamour, I made a list of “the 100 funniest and most attractive single men in the Netherlands” and in that capacity, I asked 100 nice and attractive men what they find attractive in a woman, and I think that certainly 80% indicates that a woman must be funny. How does that work?
and in that capacity, I asked 100 nice and attractive men what they find attractive in a woman, and I think that certainly 80% indicates that a woman must be funny. How does that work?
“Yes, but you have now asked the upper layer of society, the nicest and the best, not Jan Modaal, so that gives a distorted picture,” said the man who earlier told me that women are not funny. Yes, okay, that may be true, but maybe it also has to do with the fact that men and women nowadays have relationships that are much more balanced, and that it is also becoming important for men to catch a smart woman. Which is totally unsatisfactory because those studies were all done between 2010 and 2012, and in the past three years, not much has changed significantly. So I fear that he is also right in this case and we are now at 2-0.
In short, from an evolutionary point of view, it is not important for a woman to be funny. But what I have mainly learned now is that a man who says he does not find humor important is simply not man enough. And that when a man says he does want a funny woman, you already have a much better specimen on your line. So I would say, happy dating you all.
