MEN'S NAMES
and what we think of them
Liesbeth is currently enjoying a well-deserved vacation, but since you probably can't go too long without her, we present one of her best posts. It's just like her pieces are with episodes of Sex and the City; you can never get enough of them.
I often catch myself judging someone based solely on their name. Like: “Yeah no, that’s definitely a Bob.” When you think about it, that makes no sense and is not justifiable, but still, names immediately evoke a certain association. I asked the editorial team what name they think screams sex. Or a name that makes you fall asleep right away. So may I present: the entirely unscientific, unaccountable name register. Just for fun.
P.S.: none of the below is meant personally. Please don’t be mad at us.
Instant Sexy
What?: When we hear these names, we immediately think: “Yes. Yes, you need to take off your clothes RIGHT NOW, thank you very much.”
Who?: Thor, James, and Nick
Why?: Well, why. No idea. I dated a Thor for a while and soon realized he wasn’t really my type, but that name, it did something to me. With James, we think of a man with power in a suit, and a Nick is the handsome quarterback we all want to have had at least once.
Instant sexless
What?: When we hear these names, we at least keep our pants on and might actually want to be nice to you, but definitely won’t be doing anything dirty between the sheets.
Who?: Karel, Ronald, Alfred, Frits, and Onno
Why?: Your uncle is named Karel. With Ronald, we immediately think of that dumb De Boer. There’s a duck named Alfred. Frits must be someone with gray hair and roses on his shoulders. And Onno, Onno is your deadly boring accountant who gets excited about Excel sheets and binders.
Instant funny
What?: The Chandler of the group, always has a good joke up his sleeve and never a dull moment.
Who?: Bob, Boris, and Max
Why?: Bob probably comes from Bob Saget who, indeed, is quite over the hill and wasn’t really funny even when he hosted those cringeworthy home video shows, but still. It has stuck an indelible stigma on the name Bob. Just like Bob Ross, with his happy trees. Oh, that silly Bob always.
Instant dangerous-but-fun-for-once
What?: Woe betide you if you develop feelings for him, but his looks are so impressive that you might as well have a night of fun. But be gone before he breaks your heart hard.
Who?: Chris, Dennis, and Mike
Why?: Chris is the fast boy with a huge chest and a huge chatter that makes you weak in the knees with just two winks. Then there’s Dennis, oh Dennis. Dennis has blonde hair and blue eyes and is Mr. Perfect, but also quite wrong. Maybe he has a gold chain around his neck. Mike is the type who always has an answer ready, he’s not the most handsome of the three, but definitely the best talker and that’s just as effective. With almost every woman in town.
Instant we-want-nothing-to-do-with
What?: Just don’t start. They’ll break your heart, just like Chris, Dennis, and Mike, but don’t have their looks and add nothing positive to your life. Run. Run while you still can.
Who?: Boy, Angelo. Actually everything with an -o at the end.
Why?: Someone who needs to indicate their gender in their name cannot be good. Angelo, Mario, Fernando, Eduardo – everyone with an -o at the end (type smooth Italian), all have too much gel in their hair and too many STDs in their pants. Again, run while you still can.
Instant boyfriend material
What?: We like these names so much that it almost doesn’t matter which boy comes along, the name is already enough for a big plus.
Who?: Felix, Gijs, Job, Olivier, and Tim
Why?: I have a personal weakness for Felixes and Gijsen. I know several of both and they are all equally nice. Job, also something like that. Job is always nice, a good guy. Olivier is the perfect son-in-law who is NOT boring, and with Tim, you can never go wrong.
