MY ANNUAL WEIGHT LOSS RACE (AND NOW I'M REALLY GOING TO LOSE THAT 8 KILOS!)
It is officially time. I stood on the scale this morning and saw a number I didn't want to see. In fact: a number I was SO happy I hadn't seen in a long time. Yup, something really has to happen now. But how?
I've pretty much invented the yo-yo diet. Seriously, Bridget Jones would be proud of me. 8 kilos up, 4 kilos down, suddenly 2 back on and whoosh, 6 off again. But right now, the string of my yo-yo is terribly stretched and it needs to shoot back up again, if you know what I mean. And motivation is pretty hard to find for almost everyone in December. Including me.
A small selection of my mostly failed weight loss attempts? Brace yourself. Starting with Sonja Bakker. Man, that went well the first few weeks. Until the egg cakes came out of my throat and the Oreo cookies started whispering my name from the kitchen: ‘Kiek, eat me, eat me…’ Very scary. To get rid of them, I just ate them really quickly, you understand. After that, I sought my salvation with Doctor Frank: the man who invented the healthy, carbohydrate-free diet. I found his book brilliant and Dr. Frank gave me hope. End result: over six kilos off in two months, but also a chronic headache that made me decide to stop. I was certainly slim for half a year, but then I started snacking the kilos back on. Crap.
On the advice of a friend, I then started The Hospital Diet. It sounded scary, and it was with only yogurt, egg, and orange actually. Brrr. Why do we do this to ourselves? On to the next: the-eat-half-of-what-you-normally-eat diet. Ah, simple! Half of my Oreo cookies, half of my weekly tub of Ben & Jerry’s. That didn’t really work either. And then a friend said to me: ‘Goddammit Kiek, what a lazy person you are walking around. Just go exercise!“ Ouch. He hit the nail on the head…
I decided to wear the sackcloth of penance, actively start playing squash, go boot camping in the park with a friend, and run here and there. In the evenings, I ate a white fish, vegetables, a soup, or a meal salad. And after half a year of a bit of suffering, lo and behold: I WAS SLIM. At least, I thought so. I had lost 11 packs of milk in body weight (don’t ask me why, I always compare 1 kilo to a pack of milk, sounds dramatically nice). And suddenly I squeezed my legs into the tightest skinnies, wore pencil skirts in which no fat was visible, and even dared to go outside in my sports leggings once. And now? What has happened? It’s been a year and a half and I’m Bridget Jones again. How?! I’m eating donuts on the couch again and have now reached the point where I want to call for help. Because Christmas is coming and I could still roll to work if I wanted to.
On average, adults gain 1.5 kilograms every four years, according to a recent American analysis. We don’t want that! So: time for action. On January 1, I’m going to do it, with about ten million other Dutch people: lose weight. Anyone have tips? The always slim and healthy Jet maybe? I will probably never become a fit girl, but a girl in a pencil skirt should be doable, right? Right? Help!
