OPPOSITES ATTRACT: A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR OPPOSITE, HERE'S HOW YOU DO IT
He is introverted, I can't keep my mouth shut for even ten minutes. He lives in a quiet village in the Veluwe, I live in the center of Utrecht. He thinks eating at the same restaurant a hundred times is no problem as long as the food is ‘fine’, I want to fill my life (and mouth) with new experiences. If my boyfriend and I are not opposites, then I don't know anymore.
Sander is actually everything I am not. And yet we have been together for over six years. With ups and downs like in any healthy relationship, but above all ups, which is why we both have the stamp ‘occupied’ on our foreheads for six years now. Sometimes I am surprised that two people who are so incredibly different can fall in love with each other and stay that way. And on the other hand, I think: crawling into bed at night with someone who resembles me, that seems scary to me. I would immediately have a bitch fight with myself, I think.
Because isn't that what I'm looking for as an extroverted type? Someone who complements me in the things I am bad at? A partner who can put things into perspective when I scream panically at the mirror that I still have no clothes? A Sander who lovingly makes a beef stew with poached pears while I can't even fry an egg without burning it?
Actually, as far as I can remember, I have only had long relationships, so I can actually call myself an expert in the field of ‘being a girlfriend’, if I may say so. I was recently asked: ‘Kiek, how can you possibly be happy in a relationship if you are both so different?’. So this one is for you, for all lovers with an opposite as a crush or partner.
1: Accept the other as he/she is
In a relationship, we quickly look at where the boundary lies and then like to kick against it. Can't your partner be just a little more like this or that? (Or am I the only witch who thought like this in the first months of my relationship? That could be too.) Anyway: eventually, you end up in a situation where no one is satisfied. I think: take it or leave it. Of course, there is room for discussion about each other's quirks, but whole personalities should not be changed. You might as well look for another.
2: It's okay to have your own life
My boyfriend and I still don't live together after six years. We both have our own lives and actually find that very relaxed. He watches football with his friends, I shop the city empty. He has a party with work, I go drink wine with my best friend. We have - no matter how crazy this sounds - a pretty awesome life apart from each other. But to be honest: life is even better on the days we are together. And by not always seeing each other, it stays fun!
3: Look at what you can learn from the other
I just mentioned it: I am no kitchen princess. Occasionally, I also go to cooking classes with my boyfriend in the kitchen. In addition, he has taught me not to take things too seriously, especially on the days when I am on my period and horrifically grumpy. I teach him in return to persevere when things get tough, and to behave more assertively in certain situations.
4: Find out what you do have in common
Even opposites have similarities. Sander and I share a passion for travel and the gourmet lifestyle. When we have delicious food on our plates or are traveling, we always speak the same language.
5: Remember: the ‘perfect’ relationship does not exist
In every relationship, there are struggles and secretly we also find it nice when we have something to make up for afterwards. Something with make-up sex and so on. So: embrace each other's rituals and quirks and everything will be just fine, right San?
