Things I believed as a child

My father is a man with a rich imagination that he has been using for years to make me believe all sorts of things. Especially as a child (sometimes still) there were many things I believed in wholeheartedly, but which later turned out not to be true.

For example, once during a vacation in Florida, I found a gigantic shell on the beach. I must have been about five years old and just found the most beautiful and largest shell ever in the sand, and how proud I was, c’est pas normal. Only years later did my father casually mention that he had bought that thing in a souvenir shop, buried it in the sand, and directed the beach walk so that I would walk right into it. Really, my world collapsed when it turned out that I hadn't found that thing myself. And there was more.

Cloud makers

Those big factories along the side of the road where smoke comes out? For way too long, I seriously believed that those were the cloud makers. Because where do clouds come from otherwise? It seemed completely logical to me.

Earth rays

I once wondered how it was possible that when you look at the convex side of a spoon, you see yourself clearly, but when you look at the concave side, you suddenly appear upside down. “Well,” my father said, “that’s because earth rays come out of the tip of your nose and they flip your reflection.” SERIOUSLY. Turned out that also wasn’t true.

Traffic lights

Secretly, I always thought that there were little creatures in the poles for a traffic light that ran from button to lamp and then kept telling that there were people waiting and that they had to quickly turn green again. If someone was pressing the button very hard, I was afraid that the little creatures would get dizzy, so of course, I never did that myself. Poor little creatures.

Cat tail

I want to blame my father again but I'm not sure if that's justified. Anyway, I used to think that the position of the tail of our cats exactly indicated how they felt. Up was happy and content, down was sulky and sad, and if it hung in the middle, the cat still had to think about it. So when that was the case, I would pet him very vigorously so that he would become happy again, and if the tail was in an unhappy position, my heart would break and he needed to be cuddled immensely.

Everything has feelings

Getting rid of stuffed animals, getting rid of Barbies, really I couldn't handle it because I was convinced that the stuffed animals would think I was abandoning them. At one point, it even got to the point that when I threw a piece of paper on the street, I would look back and see that poor piece of paper lying there so sadly alone on the street that I often just turned around to pick it up. That has passed now, but I still attach worryingly much to non-living things. I call my bike Daisy, for years my MacBooks had names ranging from Marc to Max, and my bags are named Proenza and Chloé. By the way, I recently named the new Twingo from May North, because that fits so nicely with our editorial bike Blue Ivy.

Poop in the sea

My mother once made me believe that when you poop in the sea, your poop then chases you through the water all the way to the beach – and then everyone sees that it’s your poop. I can tell you, I have never pooped in the sea in my life.