THINGS THAT SEEM LIKE A GOOD IDEA WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

Yessss, it's the weekend and tonight you can really let loose. Now, a night of partying always leads to damn interesting insights, your self-knowledge drops to sad levels, and the decisions you make are totally ridiculous. Alcohol is a bad advisor because the following things suddenly seem like a brilliant idea after a glass or two.

Flirting with everything that breathes

If you imagine that bulletproof vest away, that bouncer was actually quite nice. Right? And if you think away those pimples and spikes, that bartender is actually pretty okay too. Right? That old guy who keeps offering us drinks, if you ignore the wedding ring and the 40-year age difference, he's actually not bad. Right? That decorative plant over there in the corner, if you wave away the fact that it's a plant, it's actually quite an attractive plant. Right?

Doing Beyoncé's ‘Single Ladies’ dance. On the bar.

Every woman who hears this song suddenly thinks that those moves would look great when she performs them. And you know, it's an even better idea if I stand on the bar so everyone can see how super duper good I can dance!

Taking off your painful heels

Yes, I totally get that your feet hurt like crazy, even through all the drinks. I've also finished a night barefoot, but to be honest, it's pretty dangerous because glass and glowing butts are everywhere on the floor. And you know, blood gets pretty thin from drinking, so before you know it, you're going American Psycho-style, blood spraying through the room. Not cool.

Seeing a microphone and thinking you can sing

If you're in a tent where they also have a karaoke set, you first have to ask yourself why you're in a type of tent that has a karaoke set, and secondly, whether it's a good idea to perform My Heart Will Go On by Céline Dion right now. The answer is: probably not. May-Britt is always very good at saying that she soooo doesn't like karaoke, but really, give that woman a glass of wine and a microphone and she'll be on stage the whole evening chattering (love you May).

Calling or texting your ex

Can't miss this one. Suddenly everything seems very clear and you have to let him or her know immediately, but the next day you've already forgotten that clear light and you're dying of embarrassment. I'm always a star at sending all sorts of embarrassing texts to exes, soon-to-be exes, or current flames and then deleting all my sent messages that same evening so I don't have to confront them. That the damage has already been done, I conveniently forget.

Doing anything with your phone at all

In the time when I was still very active on Twitter, I once did a sort of live tweeting session for an entire evening that kept getting more and more drunk. Why?! Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, you really shouldn't start with any of that at such a moment. Alcohol provides a sort of built-in filter, so you think you really don't need a filter while you actually need about 10 photos. Or no, scratch that, you shouldn't post that photo at all, god dammit.