Sexy Friday

13 SENTENCES THAT GO THROUGH YOUR HEAD DURING THE FIRST TIME RUMPY-PUMPY

The first time all the way in the lamps with your new lover, it remains a thing. Especially when that evening suddenly occurs and you are totally unprepared. Believe me; then all hell breaks loose. And all sorts of absurd thoughts shoot through your head. Like these:

1. “Do I come across too easy if we do it now? Or should I still play hard to get ? Oh heck, I feel like it now.”

2. “Shit, I’m not wearing that ugly old thong today, am I? What a misery… I will never wear that worn-out piece of crap again.”

3. “Shit, I actually want to brush my teeth. And shave my armpits. And put on perfume. Am I ruining the moment?”

4. “What should I do if he really has a very weird penis? A tiny little shrimp. Or maybe too big. Or crooked. Help, I’m afraid of penises.”

5. “What if he thinks my vagina is weird? Is my vagina weird? Whose vagina do I have as comparison material?”

6. To then think: “Oh lord, he looks goooood naked.”

“Help, I’m afraid of penises”

7. When you see him looking at you: “I’m, uh, very very naked now…”

8. “He’s definitely seeing those dimples in my legs. Yes, absolutely. Better dim the lights. Under romantic pretense then.”

9. “Does this sound mean he is coming? I’m not sure…”

10. “Okay, that climax has surely been reached, I think. I’ll just stay here. He can see how charming we –literally- part ways now.”

11. “This is definitely worth repeating… Will he think so too?”

12. “I think this also means we’ll be sleeping together. He won’t suddenly get up and LEAVE, will he?”

13. “Luckily, he stays. That also means he’ll see me tomorrow morning without makeup . Oh help. Uh, I hope I wake up earlier… And then I’ll dash into the bathroom like Rintje Ritsma.”